Surgery Tomorrow

Z. loves to stick his tongue out, courtesy of me :0). He is joy:


Tomorrow I go in for surgery. Feeling a little apprehensive. To be honest, my biggest fear is that I won't be "asleep" but also won't be able to communicate that I'm feeling everything. Phewf. Never told anyone that before but, it is my biggest fear going into surgery. I know God goes before me and already knows the outcomes so the anxiety isn't overwhelming.

Once I heal I start a new job, nannying for a 7 month old little girl. I'm excited. I love babies, the family seems very nice, and laid back. There priority is babies safety, and then development etc. I hope I set their standards high for any future childcare. I did however have to quite teaching swimming lessons to accomodate surgery and this new job. I will really miss some of my students, and teaching.

No idea what the next several months will bring. I'm scheduled to graduate with my BA in April. This new job is guaranteed Until May. I'm not sure if it will go longer, or if I will decide to pursue a job or career with my degree in hand, or if I will end up on some all new adventure I cannot even fathom.

My best friend got engaged in December. I'm very happy for her. Her fiance is amazing, and I've loved watching their relationship grow. I love how mucht hey honor God and strive to be obedient and live in purity throughout this time in their lives. I know God will bless them for it. Little honesty here though: We always talked about being each others maid of honor. I had looked forward to that for years. When she got engaged, she asked her sister. I'm not angry or anything like that. I get it. I'm so glad she has that relationship with her sister. It made me sad that I do not have that with my sisters, nor do I believe I ever will. It made me sad that we won't share that role for each other. Someday she will without a doubt be my Maid of Honor.... and I will not have been that for her. She has been there my entire life. We are 2 weeks apart, and have grown up together. We have been through a LOT together. I will stand up there with her as a bridesmaid though, and carry in my heart all the hopes, wishes, dreams, emotions, I had before, when I'd imagined being her Maid of Honor. I will support her in this new journey. I will grieve the end of one era of our lives together, as single young women, but hold much joy for this new journey and thanksgiving for the new friend I will have in her new husband. I will remember the day we both got stinging nettle as little girls, and tea parties and new years eve celebrations at her house, and holding each other while one of us weeped because of an injustice, or a fear, or a death. I will imagine that someday we will each have little one's romping our back yards together, hand in hand, spying on their siblings like we did. I will vow to be there for her AND her new husband.


Anyway.... lots of new things coming... new seasons... and I'm sure many new friendships... Perhaps God has a young single woman who need a friend out there.... perhaps by A. getting married, I'm going to open myself up for such a bond as this young woman will need, or many other young women....

Bible reading is going Good. God is good. Sometimes I've not feeling like reading the word but I do, and I read exactly what I needed to hear that day. I love that.