Getting so big!

Zackery is growing like a weed. Yet, he still seems so tiny. He loves his bath. He is a big talker, always making noises. He has a favorite rattle. He still loves to be bundled tight to fall asleep. He loves being outside. He smiles HUGE whenever he sees Grandma, and he loves kisses, they make him laugh!He also loves to look at his hands. Now, whenever I try to take pictures with my camera OR my phone, he grabs for them! Turkey!

Allinson Crew

A few days ago I babysatt for the Allinsons. They are my favorite kids to watch! They all have amazing personalities, they all love me :), and they are good kids. We all have good relationships.

Kenzie let me play with her hair, trying something new. She was amazingly patient as I put teeny tine braids all over her head!

Gabriel is getting so big! He recently weighed in at over 17 pounds! He has the most adorable smile! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Josh wouldn't let me take pictures this time but, next time I will get him! Levi went to bed before the camera came out. One of these days I will get a picture of all four of them, maybe even with me in it.

Sometimes life seems so unfair!

HI everyone!
So for those of you who have not heard, this has been a very crazy week that just keeps getting worse!

Wednesday the oldest of the boys I nanny (Alex, who uses a wheel chair) woke up and started having a seizure in his lift. During the rest of the morning I noticed he had a small seizure everytime he was bumped into or his position was changed. His mom was home so she started watching him closely. Sometimes his seizures are triggered by pain, so we thought maybe he was having alot of hip pain (he has problems with his right hip) as he fell out of bed a few days ago.

Later that day I took Ben, and Caleb (who is 20 months), to get haircuts. I put my purse under they diaper bag and when we got back to the house I grabbed the diaper bag and forgot about my purse. When I got in the house the boys mom had made decision to take Alex to Childrens emergency room because he was especially having seizures when he was flat on his back, also, he had begun to have seizures when he wasn't being bumped or moved. We were afraid their may have been something wrong with his shunt. This made the day crazy and worrisome. I held down the fort with the younger boys while Mom headed to the hospital with Alex, and Dad met them their from work. In the midst of it all, I completely forgot about my purse.

At some point Wednesday night, my car was broken into. The person took my purse and my mail, and a few other trinkets in the back seat. Unfortunately, I had just gotten a new debit card and so in with my mail (that I'd just picked up from my parents house) was my new pin. I also had my social security card in my wallet (I had used it the day before to verfity my identity), a check book, a bible, a journal, my planner, and my time sheet for work in my purse. The person was able to make false deposits and then make with drawals, amongst other transactions. Apparently, I could be found neglegent because my pin was near my debit card, and this would mean I am responsible for the $1000 cash the person got from ATM machines after making false deposits. Also, because this person has my drivers liscense, it opens alot of oppurtunities for identity theft, and other sorts of fraudulent activities.

Today, I headed to my parents house so my Dad (thank goodness for him) could get my broken window fixed over the window and help me take care of all other things to protect myself, and just help me stay on top of things that need to get done. I had covered my window with clear plastic and taped it down (I thought pretty well). I guess not well enough however, because once I was on the freeway it began to pull away from the window. I pulled over to fix it, and set my phone on top of my car. Since it was dark, and I was on the freeway, feeling unsafe, I hurried back in my car and got back on the road. My phone however, didn't follow me on the car, and is, I'm sure, smashed to bits along the I-5 north Corrider between Edmonds and Lynwood.

This means: I have no ID, no access to money, and most importantly, I have NONE of your phone #, nor do I currently have a phone. I'm going to try and rectify the later tomorrow however, I need your help getting all your numbers again. I've had my phone since I was 17, so I've lost almost 5 years worth of numbers. Ugh!

By the way: Alex came home today. Praise God, their was nothing wrong with his shunt! They couldn't figure out what exactly caused the weird and multiple seizures however, they were able to get them under control and they increased his seizure medications to try and keep them under control.

Please keep Alex in your prayes, also please pray that I find my passport (I'm sure it's in a file folder I haven't unpacked yet), and that this crook doesn't attempt to steel my identity!

Thank you so much!

Violet

heart break

At C.A.B. (College and beyond: my churches college ministry) tonight, a young woman lead a student lead night. She challenged us with 3 questions to answer for ourselves, one of them was:
When was the last time your heart really broke for someone? When did you last let your heart ache, when have you let yourself cry or moan, because of someone else's pain or suffering? When did you interced and shout to God because of the agony and empathy you felt for someone else?

Actually, I could honestly answer this with: Every day this week.

I recently found out that the brother (and only sibling) of a friend of mine died a few months ago. I didn't get the message when it was sent to me. I remember having conversations with her about my experience of losing someone who I was close to and who was very young. I remember her saying she couldn't handle that. When I found out about her loss, I couldn't help imagine losing one of my 3 siblings and how devastated I'd be. I couldn't help but imagine what torture the holidays must have been without her brother their for he first time. I recalled endless nights of crying myself to sleep after Andrew died, of shaking and waking up with a tear stained face and got a lump in my throat as I saw her do the same. I know that the grieving process she will go through will change her and I know it will hurt, and I ached for that, how she will, at first, not like what the process is doing to her. I know she won't only grieve the loss of her brother but, the loss of herself, the loss of who she use to be, the loss of the part of her identity that was a sister. I've cried for her many times this week. I'm sure Christ has cried for her and with her countless times these past few months.

And tonight...for a different persons loss, my heart broke. Tomorrow will the anniversary of the death of my bosses son Zachary Clark. He would have been 10 years old and would have celebrated is 10th birthday on January 2nd with his twin brother Alexander Louis. Zach was born incredibly premature and weighed only 11 ounces. He passed away after only 9 days of life. Last week at small group, his Dad (Ken) told me how God helped him to heal by telling him that some people live to be 80 years only die having never been shown the love of Christ by another person but, Zachary, living only 9 days, knew Christs love through his Dad, every day of his short, struggle for life. Today his Mom remembered tomorrow would be his death anniversary, and she says the sting isn't as bad but, it's still their. I can't know, nor imagine losing a child as I do not yet have my own child. I do think it must be the worst kind of loss. She says it was a beautiful day and church bells rang as it was a Sunday morning. In my head I imagined theses two firt time parents, with two new, very tiny baby boys, saying good by to one of them, too soon. When these moments passed I hugged my boss, and went to my room, and I wept for her, for her husband, and for their son who was left behind to struggle in a body that does no cooperate with his brain.

May God be with these families in the days to come. And may God continue to break my heart for others, to keep it soft and encourage me to do something for others in pain.

Will vs. Way and THe Children I will have someday.

Over and over again people say: No one understands the way of God. His ways are not our ways. Yes, this is true. However, today our sermon was of Ephesians 5:15-20. Verse 17 says: Therefore do not be foolish, but undertand what the Lord's will is."

Oiy Vey! Since people always refer to not understanding Gods way, I suppose I always converted that over to His will. Or at least to some degree. I guess I know His basic will for all our lives but, the detailed will He has for my life sometimes seems hazy. He is always mixing up my plans. I know his long term will for my life, I know I'm called to be a Child of God, a Godly wife and mother, and I know I am called to minister to children and to spread the gospel. But, I often felt that I couldnt and did not know Gods will for my life NOW, or the details for later, nor was I suppose too. Obviously this scripture is saying He wants us to understand His will, and to not understand is foolish. So now, I am praying for God to reveal to me HIS will for my life, and to give me understanding for that will. For both His will for all His children (which accordingly applies to me) and His will for my life specifically.

Also, I was rereading old journals (maybe I mentioned this before), and I was reminded of a way GOd affirmed a calling I had on my life. Since I was 10 years old I dreamed of adopting a little girl from another country. I even told my mom this and since I was so young she didn't take me seriously. Throughout my childhood, especially in High School I began to feel extremely convicted to this, and not only to adopt one little girl but several children. On my mission trip to China in 2004 we took a 30 hour train trip from Harbin, to Beijing. We went through some of China's most desolate rural areas, and I saw at a stop, an woman holding a small baby who was dirty and malnourished. I wanted to bundle that baby up and take her home with me. My Pastor looked me in the eyes and said "Violet, you will adopt a baby, I know you will. In the Gods timing you will be brought back here for her." WOw, powerful words of prophecy for a girl who had been dreaming of that very thing for 10 years. Then, as I did my devotions that night, instead of going to where I had left off, I just flipped to anywhere and began reading, I came upon this passage:
Isaiah 43:5-7
Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, "give them up!" and to the south " Do not hold them back. Bring my sons from afar and my daughters form the ends of the earth."
I know the overall context of this isn't what I am going to say it is but, I am strongly convicted that this was Gods way of confirming plan for me to adopt children, for me it has a special meaning.

In my fathers house

Last night I was doing some devotions and came across these verses:
Numbers 23:19 & 20
"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change is mind. Does he speak and then not act? DOes he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless, he has blesed and I cannot change it."

This had several different convictions for me. I was looking over journals I wrote as an early teen and was reminded of promises the Lord has spoken into my life.
I never thought of God as a liar but, I guess I've sometimes wondered if he changed his mind about his promises. Not so much his promises persay as much as if he has changed his mind about me. Maybe he made those promises but I've some how messed things up. This said God does NOT change his mind. Plus, God made those promises while being omniscient, He already knew what I would do and who I'd become, he made those future promises to the future me.

The second thing being the part of "...he has blessed and I cannot change it." I am really struggling with the fact the God has chosen to bless my sister with an amazing baby boy, while I am still a "maid in waiting." I get angry and frusterated when I think about how much I think she doesn't deserve such a beautiful blessing, how she doesn't appreciate it, and how she is doing things so wrong. I need an attitud check. God has chosen to bless her, and I cannot change it. No amount of whinning, or wishing I'd been married and had a child first will alter the course of events that lead to her having this little blessing. I must trust that God will bless whom he sees fit, when he sees fit, and I also need to see that just because it looks like my dreams which have been promised are being fulfilled in my sisters life doesn't mean God won't fulfill his promises to me, in his perfect timing.

ON that note...

I'm glad tomorrow is Sunday. This week has been overwhelmingly draining. Lets see, so far I've: Welcomed a new year, traveled across half the state, dealt with a migraine and car sickness at the same time, took some kiddos to the movies, got in a big fight with my sister and my mother, worked (taking care of one VERY sick little boy), went to the childrens museum with 3 very busy little boys, and entertained the idea of trying to get enrolled in a class or two before they start on monday.

Mosty I'm emotionally and spiritually drained. This week I've done better than in the last few with praying and reading my bible, which is probably why I have survived. But tomorrow I get to go be in the presence of the Lord, worshiping, honoring, revereing, and learning, with other Christ followers. I am glad for this because the bible says where two or more are gathered in Christs name, their he will be. When I am weak and worn out, it's nice to be with others, some who can relate, some who have it worse than I do, and others who are feeling strong and alive. I am looking forward to just closing my eyes and breathing in his glory, letting his light shine on me, and quietly worshiping in my own manner.
I know this will prepare me for next week.

A few days after Christmas I headed over the pass to Quincy, Wa. with my "surragote family"; Theo, Sharon, Jordan, Jordans wife Alyssa, and little Ethan.

Theo (Papa) drove the SUV with all of our stuff and the puppy Ginger (who is a cute dachsund-chihuaha mix. I really think both breeds are quite ugly but, the mix of the two made out for a pretty cute dog.) The other 5 of us piled into Sharons (Mama) car. Originally I was to ride with Papa but, he wanted to play his music loud and thought I should bond with the new wife. It was fun, especially since Ethan wanted to sit next to his big brother, and Alyssa next to her husband, which meant I got the front seat. It's a 3 hour non-stop drive. Long drives are never fun for me if I'm not behind the wheel because I get car sick but, in the end it's worth it.

I really enjoyed getting to know Jordans wife Alyssa. She is a sweet girl. She seemed to fit right in with our little clan, and enjoyed teasing me, as well as conspiring with me to get me a man (eyes rolling). Ethan and I built a snow man in the gobs of snow that had fallen while Mama and Papa were on my side of the mountains for Christmas. We used my scarf, apples for buttons, cough drops for eyes, a granola bar for the nose, sticks for arms, and pretzels for a mouth. He turned out pretty cute. The next day we attempted to make an igloo but, the snow texture had changed and would no longer stick.

I also watched some smallville episodes with Jordan and Alyssa.

Aside from pictures of the snowman, I seriously lacked in my picture taking. I don't know why but, I didn't take any other pictures. I guess I was too busy just relaxing and enjoying everyone's company.

For new years eve, we stayed up till almost midnight, watched "Bourne Ultimatum", toasted with champagne and sparkling cider, and then headed to bed.

New years day Ethan and I repeated something we did last year, he watched the newest "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie with me. He tries so hard not to spoil it, even though he still occasionally slips and tells me some parts. I'd just like to comment here that I HATED the way they ended the movie! So dissatisfying for hopeless romantics like me who always want a "happily ever after" ending.