In my fathers house

Last night I was doing some devotions and came across these verses:
Numbers 23:19 & 20
"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change is mind. Does he speak and then not act? DOes he promise and not fulfill? I have received a command to bless, he has blesed and I cannot change it."

This had several different convictions for me. I was looking over journals I wrote as an early teen and was reminded of promises the Lord has spoken into my life.
I never thought of God as a liar but, I guess I've sometimes wondered if he changed his mind about his promises. Not so much his promises persay as much as if he has changed his mind about me. Maybe he made those promises but I've some how messed things up. This said God does NOT change his mind. Plus, God made those promises while being omniscient, He already knew what I would do and who I'd become, he made those future promises to the future me.

The second thing being the part of "...he has blessed and I cannot change it." I am really struggling with the fact the God has chosen to bless my sister with an amazing baby boy, while I am still a "maid in waiting." I get angry and frusterated when I think about how much I think she doesn't deserve such a beautiful blessing, how she doesn't appreciate it, and how she is doing things so wrong. I need an attitud check. God has chosen to bless her, and I cannot change it. No amount of whinning, or wishing I'd been married and had a child first will alter the course of events that lead to her having this little blessing. I must trust that God will bless whom he sees fit, when he sees fit, and I also need to see that just because it looks like my dreams which have been promised are being fulfilled in my sisters life doesn't mean God won't fulfill his promises to me, in his perfect timing.

ON that note...

I'm glad tomorrow is Sunday. This week has been overwhelmingly draining. Lets see, so far I've: Welcomed a new year, traveled across half the state, dealt with a migraine and car sickness at the same time, took some kiddos to the movies, got in a big fight with my sister and my mother, worked (taking care of one VERY sick little boy), went to the childrens museum with 3 very busy little boys, and entertained the idea of trying to get enrolled in a class or two before they start on monday.

Mosty I'm emotionally and spiritually drained. This week I've done better than in the last few with praying and reading my bible, which is probably why I have survived. But tomorrow I get to go be in the presence of the Lord, worshiping, honoring, revereing, and learning, with other Christ followers. I am glad for this because the bible says where two or more are gathered in Christs name, their he will be. When I am weak and worn out, it's nice to be with others, some who can relate, some who have it worse than I do, and others who are feeling strong and alive. I am looking forward to just closing my eyes and breathing in his glory, letting his light shine on me, and quietly worshiping in my own manner.
I know this will prepare me for next week.