FFF # 14: Black and White

Well, I have more black and white photos but, they are still on my old computer which is "out of service" and on my external hard drive which isn't compatible iwth my new Mac. Nice.
The first picture is of Andrew. He was my first boyfriend and my best friend. He died of Cystic Fibrosis when he was 15 ( I was 2 months shy of 15). I had this one on a disc and wanted to share it. He was much younger in that photo.
The second photo: I was diligent and managed to take this photo of my CUTER THAN EVER nephew this week! He loves riding in his new bike seat with his Auntie as driver!!!

and... I almost forgot!!!! I took this picture of Kalika and our neighbors kitten Garfield this week! Garfields mommy works nights and somehow he snuck out while she was on her way out. My Dad (so called animal hater, lol) sees the kitten scamper across our yard. Next thing I know he is saying "Violet" followed by the tinies "meow".... Needless to say, Kalika (and I) took good care of Garfield that night....we even bought him a toy, soft kitten food, a collar, and a 1 time use, pre filled, kitty litter box. Kalika LOVES kittens and she wanted to keep Garfield. She told me so. This Mama's heart would have told her fur baby "of course you can keep the kitten", except her doggie brother whimpered all night because he wanted a chance to eat the kitten and as a result Mama was deprived of much needed sleep and the Mama's Dad would never had caved in anyway. Lol.

Feeling Greatful

Sweet Andrew: Sept. 20th 1985- May 5th, 2001
My Sometimes sweet, usually obnoxious, somewhat protective, drama hating, Nephew adoring Brother Warren: June 2nd, 1989 - Present

My first roommate in college and I have much in common. We both had brown hair, brown eyes, we were messy (although I turned clean freak for just the year I lived with her, lol.), we are Daddy's girls, and LOVE LOVE LOVE animals, especially our dogs! We also had brothers of the same age. We talked often about them and compared our experiences with them. A major difference between us was that I also had two sisters. She only had her brother.
As we got to know one another I remember a certain conversation we had quite vividly. I told the story of Andrew (my first boyfriend/best friend who died of severe cystic fibrosis when we were 15), to several girls on my floor. My roommate and I talked late into the night as she asked me questions about that time in my life and what it was like. I shared with her a song/poem I wrote on one of my hardest nights. I was sobbing into my pillow and picked up my bible. I flipped to Psalms 56:8 " You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.You have recorded each one in your book". At that point God made it very clear to me that he knew each and every tear that fell from my eye and they were precious enough to him that he collected them. He knew my pain. He was comforting me, and crying with me. He knew the pain I felt. And that is precisely the reason He sent Jesus. He felt this pain each time a sinner was born, for we were seperated eternally from him. So he made a way for reconciliation. He made a way for us to return to him. As my roommate said asked how I lived through that and claimed she couldn't handle such a loss, I told her "Yes, you could. God would bring you through it". We also talked of the hope we have in Christ of reunion with our loved ones.
Four years later, just months after my roommate graduated and moved back to be with her parents her brother drowned. Sadly, due to a technology error I did not learn of this until months later. I wish I had known and had been their to comfort her in a way she so desperatly needed. And yet, I feel like the time I didn't know God used to bring us both to a place where we could recieve one another. A place where it was not painful to say her brothers name, or for her to hear my experiences and how I coped. A place where I understood it was NOT that same. This was her only sibling, the one person who had lived life with her the longest and had understood where she came from. It was different.
A year after her brothers death my roommate and good friend moved back to my state. She now lives with 3 other girl friends of ours from our floor. I went to visit each of them and most of the time was spent giggling, remembering happy times on the floor, and making fond new memories.
Of course it had been a long, long time since I had seen any of them and each girl had their own "catch up questions" for me. Among them from the other two girls were "How old is your brother now", "where is he working", "How is he doing", "does he have a girlfriend". Each time a question was asked I could see the flinch in my old roommates face. I could almost hear her thoughts "My brother would have been 19 this year", "I wonder what kind of a job my brother would have, would he have joined the army life he said he wanted to?", " I wonder if my brother would have a girl friend". Each question was painful for me to answer because I knew it would be painful for her to hear. That part of "moving on" is always hard. 7 years after losing Andrew, my heart still wonders into "I wonder what Andrew would have been like..." when I hear about another 15 year old who is about to celebrate his 16th birthday, or get his drivesr licensce. It's part of the process to learn to hear answers to such questions and not flinch.

But as I answered each questiong I felt a renewed greatfulness for my Baby Brother's presence in my life. It's funny the timing of these things. I was getting incredibly annoyed with my brother. He doesn't clean up after himself, he cranks up movies way to loud, he is disrespectful.....
But, he is here. These things are all signs of his presence. I get one more day to see the man he is becoming. And I feel incredibly blessed to say he is 19, he works at the casino, he has a sweet girlfriend, he graduate high school. I cannot even imagine losing any of my siblings. I especially can't imagine not having another to share that loss with. Today I feel incredibly blessed to say that all 3 of my siblings are alive and healthy, not to forget my parents, nephew, aunts/uncles, cousins, and so on.

Violet needs...

Here is a little blogger game. Go to the google search engine and type in "your name"...needs...

and see what pops up. Here are some for mine:

Violet needs Coffee..... (seriously!)

Violet needs her own home.... (I'd love my own home but, I better get a higher paying job first)

Violet needs to loose weight... (I'm working on it...she says after finished a big bowl of ice cream....lol! At least I ride my bike everywhere now!)

Violet needs a wall unit air conditioner... (we're lucky, the house stays pretty cool even on hot days, especially my room, lol. But, I could certainly use one at work)

VIolet needs to focus... (On what, not school, I just got 99.96% and 96% in my classes AND that being when I had my birthday, lost my grandfather, changed jobs, moved home, helped dad after surgery all during this quarter. How did I do that?!?!)

Violet needs water.... (actually I have glass right here. It goes good with ice cream after a good bike ride, lol.). 

FFF # 13 friends with stuffing

Off all the kids I know, my Dog is the one most attached to a stuffed item. Most of the kiddos I love are into binkies, blankies, bottles, Nanna's etc. 

Kalika just loves her stuffed animals. Among her favorites are a stuffed purple hippo, and these 3 birdies. For some reason she is especially fond of the blue one. When you squeeze it, it chirps and she loves that. Here is a pretty cute picture of her with if after about 5 minutes of her tossing it in the air and running after it.

After Alex's 1st surgery for his Leg, some friend bought him an Lion named Alex (it looks like the lion from madagascar. He is really fond of Alex the Lion.
Levi is really into his "B". It just the way he is :) .

And my friends Ruby and Davis enjoy their blankies. Here Davis is snuggling with Ruby's blanky. When she is gone and I have just him, he sometimes gets fussy. He wants her blanket. I think he misses her.

2 Wheels and a BABY seat?

I am really humbled by the fact that I am car-less. Actually, it's been a blessing. I don't have to worry about oil/tune-ups/registartion/emissions tests/budgeting gas. Plus, I'm spending much more time getting exercise. I bought a bike (cheap bike, $100). But, it's comfy and just my size. It's been fun to ride to/from work, and to ride to the grocery store. My co-workers were teasing me about riding my bike. I said "yes, I officially ride a two wheeler! (as opposed to the 4 wheels on car). Silly me. Anyway, my Mom has had my nephew frequently so I've been spending extra time with him. She likes it when I take him for a run in the jogging stroller because that way she gets a break. The other day she asked me to take him on my run but, I wasn't going in the morning, my knee was bothering me. I made a statement that if I had a baby seat/carrier I could take him on a bike ride. Guess what, she bought me one! It's being used even when my nephew isn't around too! When I don't get the dogs out for a walk (mine and my brothers), I take them around the neighorhood on my bike (they run along side). My brothers Jack Russel - Spike, gets tired out a little sooner than me or my Cocker Spaniel. So, I stop, hoist him into the baby seat, strap him down, and off we go again. Kalika also enjoys sitting in their. It's pretty hilarious. At least now I know I can take Kalika if I go on long bike rides.

Praying for....

The Aquatic Supervisor Position! 

So, most of you know or read that I started life guarding and teaching swimming lessons again. I'm really enjoying teaching again. Life guarding, well, I don't mind it, I'm just doing a LOT of it with long shifts and it's nerve wracking. I really enjoy being back a the pool though. It's also getting me lots of exercise as I have free access. And I've been taking me nephew a lot. Today he did the "Mommy and Me" Class with his Auntie Violet :) . 

I hear a rumor that was confirmed today that a girl who has an aquatic supervisor position is leaving in March/April to pursue her masters. I talked to the "head hancho" and found it was in fact, true. So M. will be leaving. The question is if she will decide to quit her job or take a leave of absence (she can take a year). If she takes a leave of absence than someone has the potential of filling in with getting 40 hrs. and high pay (like $4 raise). If she quits we get to apply for the position. This position is Sun. to Thurs. 11am to 7pm, full benefits (medical, vacation, sick leave), increased pay rate..... yadda, yadda, yadda.  I talked to my boss about what it takes to obtain this position as far as qualifications and how he felt about me applying. He said he thought I'd be a great fit for the job (he really likes me!) and that I'd have to get my Water Safet Instructor license (already planning to do that in Dec.). He said having my Life guard instructor permit would be a "one up" on anyone else who applies ( so willing to do that!). He ALSO said that since I have plenty of college behind me, 4 years experience at the pool, great references, and just need to transfer 1 class to get my AA, I'd be a likely candidate. THe other girls interested are 3-4 years younger, have had less time at the pool and little to no college. 

Why I want this position: It's fun. I'd get to come up with new ideas for teaching lessons, I get to train people to be a life guard, make employee schedules, etc. (all things I've never really done but think I'd be good at).

I'm good with people. This means I get to work with the public. Parents, kids, etc. I'd love the opportunity to help meet the needs of our community as far the the pool goes.

Obviously.... full benefits. 

The schedule works for me! I'd still get to make the early service at church, or I can go Sat. night. Since my schooling is online I can do that too. 

I can see myself staying for awhile. Even thought I graduate in June-ish, I'm not sure where/when I want to go to graduate school. With this work schedule I can take a spanish class or american sign language class in the morning (something I've always wanted to do). I can probably afford a small 1 or 2 bedroom apt. for me and my pupper-roo. I may even be able to do what I've always wanted to do and be a respite foster care giver. 

It's in the community I grew up in. My family and friends are here. It's just a good way to begin on my own two feet.

I'd have an amazing boss. 

Anyway, I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and I'm praying about it a lot but, I'd really like this position!!!!

beginning of the end....

On my way home from an evening service. I love sunsets/rises. And it's moments like this that make me love where I live.

Here are some pictures of my car which my brother totaled. We are so glad he is ok and things weren't worse, which they very easily could have been. He had been working two jobs, one the 6pm-2am shift, and another the 4 am to 8:30 am shift. He decided not to come home an sleep one morning and the next morning on his way home, he feel asleep behind the wheel. He went through MANY pushed, and stopped at a small tree but, he missed three small trees head on.

The front all crunched up. You can't see it but the windshield is all shattered yet intact.

The back left passenger seat was torn off of it's hinges.

The right hand side view mirror was dangling.

and the left hand mirror was torn of completely

Right Rear tire completely flat and the axle was bent pretty bad.

It feels like I'm having a lot of those "beginning of the end" situations.

Update on my Aunt: She is doing better but very sick. They found out she is not in kidney failure. The bleeding stopped although they don't know where she was bleeding. Her blood sugar has stabilized (it had dropped to 40!). This all within hours of my post! Thank you SO much for all your prayers. However the fact is my Aunt is in congenital heart failure. She has been sick and on oxygen for a long time. She is a Christian and she says she is ready to go home. She just isn't ready to leave her daughter who so recently lost a significant other. 

For my Aunt, this is the beginning of the end, at least for her life hear on earth. After Grandpa passed the day after my birthday last month, I was at incredibly peace. He had struggled for so long it was a pleasure to know he was restored and resting with Jesus. I'm really having a hard time with the idea of losing my precious Aunt Mary though. She is the only person on my Moms side of the family to completely accept my Dad and to Love him.

 We have always had a special connection her and I. Of all of her family up here, she just took a special interest in me and I in her. I use to love climbing in her lap and snuggling up for a nap. My Aunt has always been very heavy and I loved her "pillows". One day she asked if I wanted big boobs like her when I grew up. I said YES! ( I was only 3). I was a super picky eater and it drove her nuts. She said I had to eat LOTS of mashed potatoes and gravy, a food I hated. From that day on potatoes were one of my favorite foods. And yes, I have big boobs. In fact both my sisters are barely A cups and my MOm is a B cup after 4 kids. Me....lets just say I'm a very full D pre kids! 

When I went to visit her in Feb. I didn't get any pictures of her and I. My camera was having battery issues and I ended up doing a lot more theme park visiting than I had planned. I spent a lot of quality time with my Mom and Cousins but I really wish now I'd spent more time with my Aunt. She made a comment about never getting to meet my sisters son. I told her that when I had the daughter God has promised me (or any child for that matter), I would bring that baby to see her. She said "yah right, we will see". Now, before she is even gone, I'm grieving that I won't be able to do that. Especially since I have alway wanted to give one of my daughter her middle name: Ruth. Now,  I hope to get to see her alive one more time myself and get a picture with her. 

Other beginning of the ends:

I just finished another school term. I took classes all summer and the term ended Saturday. I got behind the week of my birthday since it was a 3 day stretch of crazy (b-day, grandpa died next day, and dad has surgery next day), and I've had a hard time catching up. So Sat. I wrote a total of 8 papers. I got up at 7 am and worked until 3 pm when my good friend came to help me ogranized my bedroom and get rid of stuff. I need someone to say "don't keep it, just take a picture". She left at 6:30. I went and swam 2,000 yards (I skipped my run that day, lol), and I went back to writing papers until midnight. So, with two weeks off until the new term starts, I'm beginning my summer right at the end of the season. Oh well. Some summer are just like that.

The start of the new term will be the "beginning of the end" of my pursuit of a bachelors. I'm schedule to graduate at the end of next August. However, I plan to add extra classes straight through and graduate earlier. 

Finally, I really feel like this last month has been the beginning of the end of my struggle with weight and laziness. Of course I'm still prone to "relapse" and all but, I've been pretty diligent with  getting myself going. The running plan was a 30 day straight plan. I ran for 21 days straight and took 3 days off after that. The 1st day off was because my calf muscles had been hurting pretty bad for several days, getting worse with each run. I decided i needed a day off. The 2nd day was because I just did homework and worked all day. I didn't have time. And the 3rd day was my 2,000 yard swim (or an hour of swimming, or 80 laps, or over a swimmers mile). I felt justified skipping my run. I also bought a bike this week. Since my brother totaled my car last month, I decided I'd wait to get another. I'm planning to use the $$ left after my loan is paid off to pay off a credit card I got to get a lap top for school, and then save for a down payment. I don't mind walking but it's sometimes TOO hot, and it gets pretty cold and wet here in winter so, I thought a bike would be nice. I cool breeze in my face when it's hot, and the faster pace for colder days. And I can take it too the stores, or my grandmas, or where-ever. I've been taking my dogs around the block while I'm on the bike. They enjoy getting to run next to me. So yah,.....

The beginning of the end.

I'm not sure what other seasons are ending in my life right now.... but there are a few I hope God has planned to end in the not so distant future :) 

No FFF today we need prayer warriors thouigh.

I'm not posting a picture because the only picture I'd like to post, isn't on my computer.

Today we got the call my Great Aunt is not doing welll at all. She is in chronic congestive heart failure, kidney failure, and has had 5 blood transfusions. They are putting a shunt in her neck to get her medication and have not found where she is losing blood (possibly her stomach). I went to see this Aunt in February. She is the most amazing, loving woman and it will really hurt to lose her. Please pray for us, especially her children and grand children. This Aunt live in Florida and I live I Washington State. So across the nation at furthers tips from each other she has impacted my and my families lives beyond measure. I can't imagine how hard it is for those who have lived near her all these years.

Please especially pray for my Cousin I. This is happenning (My Aunt is her Mom) just a few short months after she lost her long term boyfriend. And for my Mom who is beyond incredibly attached to my Aunt and struggling because they are asking she not fly down right now. My Mom suffers from depression and could barely tell me what is going on.

A prayer miracle.

Often I wonder if my prayers matter. 

Recently I stumbled across a blog about a woman who is carrying a baby with Trisomy 18. 

Actually, I've followed several blogs of woman who have/had a T-18 baby. This is sort of a variation of downs syndrome (T-21) but, much worse. It's fatal and most babies don't make it to term. If they do, they don't usually live past a week. 

The most recent blog I came across was  a non christian woman. This was not her 1st baby. Her and her husband decided to terminate. Reading her blog, each appointment leading up to her termination, including her termination appointment had road block after road block. I was so burdened to pray for this family, including their unborn baby. I really felt like it was NOT part of Gods plan to allow this abortion to take place. I prayed mostly that God would change their hearts and the would carry to term and if not, that He would take this baby home with him before some  doctor could lay it's hands on this precious child. 

She recently updated. They ARE GOING TO CARRY TO TERM! They even began calling the baby by it's name! This is one of the biggest miracles God has shown me through my prayers. I'm sure it not just me but, wow. I'm so relieved and will keep praying ferverently for this family and this child. I know their are big plans for them! Currently she is feeling like this makes her believe less in a Christian God. I'm praying as this journey progresses she comes to receive Christ and see all the road blocks as his blessing so she can meet this child.

Pray with me!

Violet

FFF# 12: Having a Ball

Choosing photos for this week was WAY to easy! My Mom had my Nephew for a 5 day stretch, then my sister stayed with my Mom for 3 days, and my Mom had my Nephew for 3 more days. So, I got to spend lots of time with the little bugaboo. One day my Mom and I took him to the park. I'm not sure if he has really been or not The "baby" swings were way to big for him and he was a little nervous. He much preferred swinging on the "big" swing on my lap, in which case he giggled every time we went forward. There is a little slide that is painted as the trunk of an elephant. I would put him on his back and scoot him almost to the bottom, my mom would grab his feet and help him actually slide. He liked that but, even more, he liked trying to crawl up the slide. Later that day we also took him for his first swim at the pool I work at. He is so gosh darn cute! He has always been a hot baby and at first was not a fan of the pool because it was so cool. But, eventually, he got use to it. Once he figured out how to splash, he was in love. He has gone 2 more times and loved both times, he has also been brave enough to go under water! We dunked him 2 times, then he put his own face in. He's a fish like the rest of us.


I can't believe this sweet boy will be a year old tomorrow . Please stay tuned as I plan to put up a "year in review" blog soon!

So August begins...

I have officially run for 10 days in a row. I took one day off, yesterday. I can't tell you how hard a couple of the day shave been. Yet, I've pushed through with a little supernatural help. Yesterday I felt validated taking the day off. I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep as I did homework until 1 am Sunday night and had to get up at 5:30 am to come watch the boys plus, Ben and I got a good work out. 

Since this is my last week with them I've been doing something special with each of them. 

Last Wednesday Alex and I went for a good long swim, just the two of us. We came up with a few new games for him in the pool. He has a GREAT swim float/life vest. I start at his head, swim under his body and try to grab his feet. If he kicks (or wiggles) his legs, then I don't get them. It's his way of "Swimming away". I also get on my back and kick with my legs under his body. The current moves him along with me, and he kicks too. I just make sure my legs are low enough that I'm not kicking him. We do laps up and down the pool that way. Sometimes I take him out of the life vest and put his arms up against the wall on the shallow end. I help him stretch his legs to the bottom of the pool and he jumps up. He had a really good time and I did to. Both of us feel better after a swim. It helps us relax.

Yesterday I did something special with Ben. We went for a Bike ride. It's about 2 miles to a local state park, so we biked all the way there. Then, we biked over a 1/2 mile down to the lake, and walk the incredibly steep trail back up,a gain over a 1/2 mile. And over course, we biked the 2 miles home. So, we are talking about 5 miles of bike riding/hiking. It was crazy. Not to mention we played in the lake for awhile. By the end of the day, on 4 hours of sleep I was soo...tired. I laid down for 30 minutes and planned to get up, run, and do my homework. I slept through my alarm, a phone call, and who knows what else and slept straight till 6:45 am. 15 minutes to spare before I had to go get Alex out of bed. Phewf. (I still spend 2 nights a week at the boys house so I'm not doing the 1 hour commute 3 days a week). 

Today I have all the boys by myself so we will be spending the day in the house reading, and in the back yard in the pool or sprinkler. They are expecting it to be 87 degrees! I promised the kids 1 cartoon after we run some errands this morning so, they are finishing that up.

Any, my runs have been going good. I will go tonight. I have found I much prefer to go in the morning though, just get it done with and over with. Then at the end of my day I can just hang out if I want. Yay.

In other "sort of" good news. My Mom told my sister that she could not keep my brother, Dad and I from seeing my nephew when she has him. She did not feel this was right, and we love him too. My Mom told her if having him meant not being able to let us come over during that time to see him, then she just wouldn't take him. I can't express enough what a HUGE thing this was!!! My mom has the biggest attachment to my nephew, and she too him. She also admitted to having let us see him over the last couple months. Well, my sister was upset however, she told my Mom that she couldn't take my nephew from my Mom as she can see how attached they are to one another. So, I'm officially "allowed" to see my nephew. She did say she doesn't want my Mom to let us take him off on our own. You have to understand that with my sister it is about control and she doesn't function on a normal mental or emotional level. I have mixed emotions about this. I'm glad my Mom "confessed" to my sister. I just couldn't bear not to see him but, I also felt bad about what we were doing. I know if I had a baby and said I didn't want them all around them, I would me extremely upset if I found out they were exposing my child to that person. However, my sister literally has no reason for us to not see him. We have always been good with him and are all good with other children. I admit to having say some hurtful things to her but.... well we won't get into that now. My mom plans on keeping this wish of Shannons, which I respect. Shannon is giving my mom the "permission" to let us see him. That is a blessing. So, while I will miss being able to take him to a friends for a few minutes to show him off, or taking him for a run, at least now I can share his pictures with my Mom. I'm even planning on making a scrapbook of him over the last year for my Mom. Now i can include all the pictures I've taken since my sister moved out. I might even make her a copy and have my Mom give it to her. 

Hope your all having a good beginning of August.

Violet