heart break

At C.A.B. (College and beyond: my churches college ministry) tonight, a young woman lead a student lead night. She challenged us with 3 questions to answer for ourselves, one of them was:
When was the last time your heart really broke for someone? When did you last let your heart ache, when have you let yourself cry or moan, because of someone else's pain or suffering? When did you interced and shout to God because of the agony and empathy you felt for someone else?

Actually, I could honestly answer this with: Every day this week.

I recently found out that the brother (and only sibling) of a friend of mine died a few months ago. I didn't get the message when it was sent to me. I remember having conversations with her about my experience of losing someone who I was close to and who was very young. I remember her saying she couldn't handle that. When I found out about her loss, I couldn't help imagine losing one of my 3 siblings and how devastated I'd be. I couldn't help but imagine what torture the holidays must have been without her brother their for he first time. I recalled endless nights of crying myself to sleep after Andrew died, of shaking and waking up with a tear stained face and got a lump in my throat as I saw her do the same. I know that the grieving process she will go through will change her and I know it will hurt, and I ached for that, how she will, at first, not like what the process is doing to her. I know she won't only grieve the loss of her brother but, the loss of herself, the loss of who she use to be, the loss of the part of her identity that was a sister. I've cried for her many times this week. I'm sure Christ has cried for her and with her countless times these past few months.

And tonight...for a different persons loss, my heart broke. Tomorrow will the anniversary of the death of my bosses son Zachary Clark. He would have been 10 years old and would have celebrated is 10th birthday on January 2nd with his twin brother Alexander Louis. Zach was born incredibly premature and weighed only 11 ounces. He passed away after only 9 days of life. Last week at small group, his Dad (Ken) told me how God helped him to heal by telling him that some people live to be 80 years only die having never been shown the love of Christ by another person but, Zachary, living only 9 days, knew Christs love through his Dad, every day of his short, struggle for life. Today his Mom remembered tomorrow would be his death anniversary, and she says the sting isn't as bad but, it's still their. I can't know, nor imagine losing a child as I do not yet have my own child. I do think it must be the worst kind of loss. She says it was a beautiful day and church bells rang as it was a Sunday morning. In my head I imagined theses two firt time parents, with two new, very tiny baby boys, saying good by to one of them, too soon. When these moments passed I hugged my boss, and went to my room, and I wept for her, for her husband, and for their son who was left behind to struggle in a body that does no cooperate with his brain.

May God be with these families in the days to come. And may God continue to break my heart for others, to keep it soft and encourage me to do something for others in pain.