Take a deep breath, blow it out slow, hope no one notices the shutter....

Tonight, I am watching the Oprah episode from earlier this week on the recent mothers who drove drunk, crashed and killed/injured children in their crashes. Oh how heartbreaking it is!

Something the really caught me though was as the mother of one girl who was injured in one of the accidents responded while listening to her daughter recount what being in that car was like moments before the crash.

This Mom took a deep breath, and slowly let it out, while tears welled up in her eyes. You could see her lip tremble and her chest shutter.

My thoughts were "I remember that feeling..." I remember doing that same thing after Andrew died. I remember making that same expression before entering my Dads room at the nursing home when he was so sick. People who have seen tragedy, they know this technique. A way to TRY to calm down, to hold onto some level of control so you don't break down. My heart just goes out to those families.

I don't remember using that control technique before my first tragic experience but now, it seems a default I use when I'm incredible upset. When I'm on the phone with a friend pouring out my heart. When I'm afraid. When a friend or family member of mine is hurting and I empathise with them.

It always amazes me how my experiences will suddenly connect me with another person, with an understanding. I always say I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child, or a parent, or any of those things that I haven't experienced. But I know loss. When it's someone you love, it hurts beyond measure, and it changes you forever.