Easter Sunday

        Easter turned out much better than I had anticipated it would. Sure, there was still some sorrow and not having MY family with me but, good friends invited me to spend my day with them. My friends 3 year old son INSISTED that Mommy, Daddy, siblings, Grandma, AND Violet were coming to church with him. When I heard he was convinced I was going, I decided sitting with his family would be an honor and would feel better than sitting amongst stranger at the church I've been trying to attend regularly. It was a good service, especially the worship. I have to admit a chunk of the message was lost on me because God was doing a work in my heart and speaking directly to me. I was avidly writing in my journal (the one I usually only use for sermon notes) so I wouldn't forget/miss it. 

        Without even remembering Easter was around the corner, about a week ago, I gave up something in my life that has been destroying me. I've only shared this struggle with one other person and I don't feel at liberty to share it with the world wide web but I can say this "thing" has been causing me not to TRULY live for about 5 years. It's caused depression, it's made me a liar to a few precious people in my life, it held me captive, I felt trapped, worthless, meaningless, hopeless, lost, and most importantly it was keeping me from drawing closer to God. I knew I was in trouble when I began to doubt that the closeness I once felt with Christ ever really occurred. Satan was using this thing in my life to deceive me and destroy me. I decided this thing needed to be out of my life completely, and so it has been for just over a week now. Yesterday I realized Easter Sunday was a week exactly and as I remembered that Christ died to resurrect us, and give us new life, hope, and to bridge the rift between humanity and God, I realized he was also very much giving me "new life on earth" by helping me purge myself of this shackle I had in my life. Now I can LIVE and I can live for HIM and not this "thing". These very big dreams that I have felt would never become more than dreams, dreams I felt I wasn't big enough  to accomplish (I'm not big enough but GOD is), Dreams that are also visions God has given me for my future, are starting not to seem impossible. God HAS called me to them, and He WILL bring them to pass. 

It is still a daily struggle, a choice I have to make, to keep my life free of this "thing" and probably one I will struggle with for several years but, now more than ever I feel my sweet Jesus giving me the strength to go on, to turn away, and to say "NO!" God has something better for my life. 

I ended the day with another family that has been friends with my family since before I was born. This family is amazing, their teenage kids have gone to visit my Dad in the nursing home. They have brought us meals when he could still eat. They call him and ask him if they can do anything for him/me. They invited me over for dinner, and an egg hunt (one for kids, one for the "big kids" or those over 18)... it was a lot of fun. I gave and got a neck massage from my friend, and just basked in the presence of so many people. 

God is Good, All the time. All the time, God is Good. 

Here is my favorite Easter song this year:

"Beautiful Scandalous Night"

Go up to the mountain of Mercy

To the Crimson perpetual tide

Kneel down on the shore, be thirsty no more

go under and be purified

follow Christ to the Holy Mountain

Sinner Sorry and Wrecked by the Fall

Cleans your heart and your Soul, in the fountain that flows

for you and for me and for all

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree

on that beautiful scandalous night you and me

We're atoned by his blood, forever washed white

On that beautiful Scandalous Night

On the hillside you will be delivered

At the foot of the cross justified

In your spirit restored 

by the river that pours

from our blessed saviors side

At the wonderful tragic mysterious tree

On that beautiful scandalous night you and me

we're atoned by his blood, forever washed white

ON that beautiful scandalous night