Big Changes... are more to come?

So many emotions, so many thing going on...

My amazing and wonderful friend Alicia got married on Saturday. Last week was so busy with wedding stuff, planning, partying (you know, bachelorette, shower, etc.), and preparing. Not to mention all the primping! Lol! But Saturday dawned bright and beautiful (amazing for March in Western Washington), and the small quaint, expedited wedding came together just beautifully. I bawled. Like a new born babe. I really did NOT think I would but oh my, as soon as she started walking down they aisle the tears just poured. Tears of joy and excitement. I was so happy for her and Johnny. They make an absolutely amazing and wonderful couple. Knowing her background and her story and the beautiful things God has done in her through Johnny, the healing the their relationship has brought etc. made it even more beautiful. I'm so excited for her to break free from bondage and create a new life, with her new little family of two. I won't lie though, some of those tears were of sadness. It was the end of an era in some ways. We were just two single young women with many big dreams not that long ago.... and before that we were two little girls having tea parties, hour long phone conversations, and playing spy on our brothers while playing UNDER the house.... it just made me realize that we really ARE grown up! Oh MY WORD! How did that happen? I must also say though, that I would not have wanted to relinquish her to just anyone and the man that she was given too, he is a good one. Johnny, he brought me and Alicia flowers the first time he met me. He brought her Mom and Sisters flowers when he met them. He has embraced me as a friend and a part of Alicia's life. He loves God. He loves Alicia. He takes care of her, encourages her, is patient with her, loving, honest. I've learned a lot about how I can be loved by someone by watching Alicia. He came to say hello on their wedding day. Myself and another friend of Alicia stayed the night with her the night before so we were there. HE brought all of us bagels and a single yellow flower. He is just thoughtful like that.
Since then it has been a whirlwind. Sunday was filled with packing/cleaning/trying on bridesmaid dress for my little sisters wedding. Monday I woke up early, took my sister to work, my nephew for donuts, swung by my Moms work to drop him off, and headed off to California. I stopped in Oregon to visit the amazing Taly and sweet baby Micah, good friend of mine from college, and her wee babe. Then made the rest of the drive, arriving at my cousins house sometime after 11 p.m. I'm here in the hopes of obtaining a job, in which case I will end up living here (obviously). I'm not even 100% sure it's God will but I feel he is leading me in that direction. So far he has opened a few doors for me. Lots of emotions coming a long with just the idea of living here. It's a big step, one I think I need to take but fear just the same. Living away from the parents, and not having them to rely on so easily. Having people have expectations of me, and actually caring about what they think, not knowing really much of anyone. Probably my greatest fear though, is that if I do end up staying here, I won't change much. I really want to shake up my life, get into a new routine and new experience in the hopes it will bring me out of a sort of funk I've been in since just before my Dad went into remission. I hope and pray this will be of a big help. I fear it won't. I fear I will fall back into old patterns and habits. I guess, I just need to let God be God and quite fretting so much.... Tomorrow is my first interview. I think I will feel much better after it, just having a more clear idea as to if staying here is a possiblity. I can say having my cousins sweet daugther call me Aunty, help me with dishes, and play memory with me, as well as her other daughter reach for me and snuggle with me, has made the desire stronger. They are such precious girls!