FFF # 29 Theme "up"

What better for an "UP" theme in Favorite Foto Friday than "growing up". My sweet Nephew is growing up so fast. Z. isn't "growing up" as fast as some kids but, it's still too fast! Seems just yesterday he was tiny enough to sleep on my Dogs tummy, fit side ways in our recliner, and be carried with on hand. No more though. He is becoming a toddler (but not quiet toddling yet)

Z. Man LOVES dogs! Dog was his first word! Kalika (my Dog) loves him too. When Z. was first born, we would put him on top of K. and she would "hold" him. Now he is WAY to big for that but, as soon as we put Z. down, Kalika runs too him.


Here is an "Up" picture. Essentially Z. is saying PICK ME UP!! Lol.
Grown up enough to prove me RIGHT and Grandma WRONG: Chocolate Ice cream is WAY better than tapioca pudding.
He drinks out of a cup now! (or here, an old frosting container, lol).
Never in all my years could I have imagine such a perfect, sweet, loving BLUE EYED baby boy in our family. He isn't "mine" but he is. He is a part of my geneology. He is so much Gods, and born of my sister but, I feel a connection to him I cannot even explain. I feel like God gave him to us as a gift, to our FAMILY. He has such a silliness about him. I often feel burdened to pray for him. He brings out the best in us all.

If you don't have anything nice to say...

On myspace I posted a blog about circumcision. I had a personal intro. and the rest was information I gathered from a professor in one of my classes. It was mostly anit circumcision information, which is where I land. I do not plan to circumcise any boys that I have in my future. I was really suprised when an old "friend" of mine posted a comment about the post. While she herseld did not circumcise her boys, and agreed with my post, she told me I was being "smug" and "self righteous". Wow. Considering 99.9% of the material was NOT my own, I was shocked. I commented back to her about how that made me feel. She replied back telling me I need to lighten up, I'm often hard, condemning, and judgemental on people. I think she was being extreme. Yes, I sometimes come across hard, especially towards family members. However, I also try really hard not to be judgemental. I was disappointed becuase at one time she was a person I would vent too, I would express much of what I was feeling to her but, really, it was my way of not being judgemental to the actual person I was upset with. It was my way of "getting it off my chest" and going on to love that person. Now, she is using those conversations against me.

I never thought I'd get one of "those" comments. Oh well. I did remind her that I posted it as a BLOG which people can only see if they CHOOSE to read it. I don't think I am better than other people by the decisions I make. I am however appalled at the number of people that do NOT make INFORMED decisions for their self, their children, spouse, or other family members. My goal is to do research and come to my own conclusions, not just follow cultural and societal norms.

Favorite Photo Friday: # 28 : New

This week the theme is "NEW". I had to share these photos of my Nephew's NEW toy, a walker. He is 17 months old, and still not walking AT ALL. Doctors have declared him physically delayed and in need of physically therapy, which was done a few months ago but my sister did not follow through with. However, she is looking into it again. I have been BUGGING my Mom to get him a walker and she FINALLY did. Guess what!?! He LOVES it and does amazing with it! Hopefully he will be doing on is own soon! Other "new" things this week are that my Dad started radiation. Today he has surgery for a port, and this MOnday he starts chemotherapy. Please keep us in your prayers!

First Picnik creation!

Renee over at myspecialks has mentioned the free online photo editor "picnik" a few times on her blog, with these ADORABLE creations she has made. I just HAD to try it. My Nephews BIG BLUE eyes are the perfect things to play with, especially when he is wearing the coat/hat/gloves that match his eyes almost perfectly!!!! So, here is my first Picnik creation!!!

FFF # 28: One word themes: EYES

In my grandmothers eyes, there wisdom.
In my Nephews eyes there is wonder

In my Niece Jaelynn's (also known as my cousins daughter) eyes, there is excitement In my new nieces eyes (Jaelynn's baby sister) I see curiousity

feeling sad...and scared

People, things are rough! I'm overwhelmed. School, Work, take care of house, take care of Dad. Try and get my SELF in shape, physically, emotionally, spiritually) It's a lot. I find myself thinking all too much, all too often.

Dad had a feeding tube placed 3 weeks ago, and the thing is driving him CRAZY. They may place a new one, a different kind, see if that works better for him. I think he would prefer the MICKEY BUTTON.

Friday he is having a PORT placed. Basically, a sort of shunt in his vein, so they don't have to give him a needle poke, and IV every time he gets CHEMO, which would fry and blow his veins.

Monday the 19th he starts radiation, and a week later he starts chemotherapy.

Dad looks sick now. Over the last year he had lost weight but, he had weight to lose, and he actually began looking healthier. Now, he is still losing weight. He doesn't look healthy anymore. Just since June he seems to have aged 10 years. His clothes hang on his body, his hair has gotten a lot more gray in it. Every line of age has deepend.

The other night, he was sitting at the table, and I was on the couch. I just kept looking at his profile, and my eyes weld up with tears. He looks old. 53 and he looks OLD. He looks fragile. He looks sick. When I went to help him flush and clean his feeding tube, I thought "there are indentations where muscle should be, he is waisting away". Not 5 minutes later he tells me the cancer is eating away at his muscles, and points to one of the very indentations I had thought should not be there. Worry is carved into his brow.

I had a thought the other day that suprised me. My Uncle died of this cancer 7 years ago. I'd always wished he'd survived, for my Cousins and my Aunt. For all us here, just to know he was still around. I was very sad when he was gone.When my couisn had a beautiful baby girl, and I first saw a picture, I thought how sad steve didn't get to see her. When I met that baby girl last year, and saw her again this past October, I just imagined how bitter sweet it must be for my cousin to remember what a great Dad she had, and think what a great grandpa he woudl have been. Even those thoughts though, were surface. Now, I kind of get it. Now..., now I wish he was here for a very differen reason. Now, I wish he had beat cancer so my Dad could have his big brother telling him "I beat this crud, you can too". Instead my Dad has a looming death warrant over his head. He is probably thinking "This stuff brought down my big brother, now it's going to get me"

If my happy, silly, comedian of an Uncle couldn't beat it, how is my cynical, negative, "the world is against me" kind of a guy Dad going to beat it? I know my Dad is more than this. I know he is a fighter, he has defied more odds the I can relay here. This Man had a radiator blow up on him, a woman stab him multiple times in the face, neck, chest, and back, Fell out of a truck and was drug, ripping the skin off his back, was in another accident that broke his jaw....he has escaped death multiplte times, he wasn't suppose to live, and if he did, he was suppose to be in a vegetable like state. But will this take him? This slow, multiplying, healthy cell eating, destroyer that has become a disease of our generation? Will this bring down the odd, frustrating, loving, strong, fearce protector, and never ending provider I call my father? And if he does survive, will I feel guilty? Will my cousins wonder why my Dad made it and not theirs? Will he wonder why he beat it?

Months from now, will I be looking over at that same table, and know he will never sit their again? Will I get to see the pride in his eyes when I get my BA this June? When I meet someone special, will my brother have to be the one to give permission for my hand in marriage? Will Dad not walk me down the aisle and give me away? Will I ever see him look down adoringly at his grand daughters and grandsons that I bore, the way he looks at my nephew? Will he never get to eat Christmas dinner at my house, or help me fix the plumbing after toddlers clog it up with toys and too much toilet paper? Will I someday get to give back the provision he has given me, by offering him a mother in law apartment in my home? Will I ever get to hold a TRULY old hand, one of 85 +, one with white hair, and still deep brown eyes so like mine, and finally understand him, understand what he has done for me, and thank him for everything? Will I have to say goodbye all to soon?

Favorite Photo Friday: # 27 One word Theme is COLD

We had a HUGE snow this year, especially for our area. The amount of snow was bigger than any we'd had since 1996, and really, this storm topped that one. It snowed good for about 2 days, then we had an Alaskan cold front, and it dropped to 3 degree in my neighborhood, and even down to -2 in some areas. Here, I snapped a picture of the computer in my Moms car that gives the time, date, direction headed, and temp. at this point it was 7 degrees!

My Mom cares for an elderly woman who lives on a local lake, here is the view after the first round of snow
After a day or two of sunny but very chilly days, it got overcast. This pictures was taken across the street from my house, on the way back from the neighborhood park.
Once the clouds rolled in again, all the RAIN seattle is known for, fell as SNOW. We totalled out at 15 inches but it was probably more like 18, because a little melted before the final dump
Coming home from visiting my Mom. I was at a complete stop when we took this picture. This was before the final blast. After that final blast, the streets were one big sheet of compact snow, with a layer of ice under that. It wasn't actually that bad until it started to melt, then refroze. It made the streets one bumpy, slushy, icky MESS. NOw it is mostly gone, except piles of snow from where it was plowed.

I hope you enjoy this picture of Kalika. She LOVES snow but, it collects on her fur in snow balls. She got to where she couldn't/wouldn't walk. I had to take a picture!!! I'm sure she was COLD. I call her my little abominable snow dog-monster. Don't worry, right after, I took her home, gave her a warm bath, and she snuggled up next to the wood stove the rest of the night!