Nearly a panic attack.

Maybe I just need some time with this little man, to make me laugh and forget my worries....afterall, I haven't seen him in like a week!


Ok, since I am in the process of taking maladaptive behaviors and psychopathologies I know that this experience in now way constitutes the conclusions of an actually, medical, panic attack but.. here goes...

I'm a pretty rational person, and I don't get easily worked up. It takes a lot to anger me, a bit less but still quite a bit to upset me in the sad crying sort of way, and even more than both to make me fearful. I mean, I fear for my nephews emotional stability and when I see Levi climbing on a jungle gym my heart skips a beat and I rush under him to catch him if he slips, and when I hear my sister was in a minor car accident I am afraid I'm being lied to and fear she may have undiscovered injuries. But, I'm not afraid of spiders, or snakes. I'm not afraid of heights, or roller coasters. I'm also not afraid of catching some rare disease because I don't wash my hands every time I touch something. I'm just not easily fearful.

Today I was. Some silly little thing. See... I accidently took and expired pain pill, or a couple through out the day. I had a migraine that was not touched by tylenol, advil, or my specific migrain abortive meds. So, I took one of my pain pills. After taking the last one, I noticed the date. Somehow my Dad and I mixed my new bottle that is only a few months old, and his very old bottle. Same medication and dosage, different bottles and dates. I got on line and researched the dangers of expired meds and it said it could be anything from not being effective to the chemical structure having changed and causing death. Huh... earlier that day I I'd had a scratch throat. As I sat at work I was thinking about the info. I read on expired meds, and swore that the proceeded "racing of my heart" was a result and that my throat was swelling. I mean, ever so slightly. I even grabbed my pusre and took a benadryl...just in case...

and tonight, I'm fine, threw the expired meds away...my throat was fine. But, it felt a little scatchy, and suddenly swallowing was weird. Food was going down only one side of my throat. And maybe, just maybe my throat was swelling again. And maybe I'm getting sick. ANd maybe getting sick with a soar throat will lead to them finding cancer....in my throat....

And maybe I'm paranoid and really, really worried about my Dad. And all of my family members who seem to be precariously prone to cancers.

And now, I want all of them to have a whole body scan, and blood and urine tests. Just to make sure they don't have cancer.