Christmas 2008

My little sister Shannon and our Grandma
Grandma, myself, and my little Nephew Zackery
Ummm....I did NOT show him how to shake present (hehehe...)
The family at dinner, I'm takign the pick, you cannot see Zackery who is in the right corner, and you can only see my sister boyfriends head.
Our tree

This year was a different holiday season for us. For me personally, it just didn't seem to feel special much. I don't know why but I never did get into the "Christmas Spirit". I had my Moments, like when it was dumping large quantities of snow outside the week before Christmas, or on Christmas eve when our tree was finally up and decorated, or when I did a batch of ginger snaps and the house smelled like molasses. It's not like I did not know the true meaning of Christmas, and I still had a deep gratitude at remembering the true reason but seriously, this year I felt like "Cindy Lou Who" looking out my window singing about where Christmas had gone and why can't I find it. I know this is in part that the maitenence of my relationship with Christ has been seriously lacking. I haven't been consistently spending time with him, reading my bible, or praying un-distractedly. Not spending time with God, brings worry and discontent ment, feeling down on myself and angry about where life is at. My family was broken with my sister not speaking to most of us, my grandma was in a nursing home and unable to leave for for the holiday, grandpa was spending christmas in heaven, and my Aunt and Uncle had uprooted to another state, where they had a baby and were unable to come home this holiday season. I was still single without the glimmer of someone who could turn into someoen special, and I did homework until the 23rd. The only Christmas party I had been invited to was cancelled, I had next to NO money for Christmas presents for friends and family. Ok, ok, now I'm whining. I was ok with no presents, we all kept it VERY VERY low key with the knowledge of Dads cancer and that he would be out of work for at least six months, possibly much much longer.
I spent Christmas even in my room, reading the Christmas story, my own tradition, and I concluded that THIS year, I would finally ask to read it to my entire family, who doesn't focus on Jesus on this day. Christmas day arrived, my estranged sister did come to dinner and I think we were all able to break some walls there. But, sadly, my brother tells everyone at the last minute he needs to hurry and eat because he was called into work 6 hours early! This rushed our dinner, and made everyone anxious. Since my brother was in such a hurry, my older sister and her long time boyfriend skiddaddled shortly too, they were parked behind him and figured rather than just move their car, they'd leave too. I took my previously estranged sister and sweet nephew to see our ailing grandmother in the nursing home, which went well but Grandma does look so sick and made me wonder if she will be here next year, or if we will have said good by to her and be missing yet another person at our dinner table (and if we will alos be missing Dad). Nephew was so cute with her though. She brushed her hair and he pointed to it and said "That", she gave it to him and he started brushing his hair, as well as mine.
On the way home my sister and I had a LONG chit chat about stuff, and I think we more or less reconciled. I also think she will try to have a relationship with the rest of the family. It's going to be HARD with her disability and thought processes being so different. I tend to be pushy about God and need to watch that. I want to just love her but, have a hard time because she flat out told me she believes in GOd, and believes that the bible tells us how we are suppose to live but that "she has her own standards". SHe truly believes she loves God and is a Christian but simply will not live for God. That is hard for me, I dont understand it and if even makes me angry, Isn't their something that says "IF you LOVE me you WILL obey me? I'm not perfect but I DO try. It's easier with say, my Dad, who just says he does not believe in the bible. I guess I just have to allow God to show me how to love her and be careful to keep away from spiritual conversations right now.
Over all, everyone showed up for dinner at 5:30pm and was gone by 7:30pm, except Shannon who was there until 9:00pm after visiting grandma. My favorite part of the day was waking up to a HARD snow. It had been snowing off and on for over a week, with a CRAZY for hour area, 15 inches accumulation, actually more like 20 inches but about 5 inches melted before it started snowing again. It was the first white Christmas here in 18 years. Actually, that wasn't the best part, the best part was the conversation with my little sister, hard and frustrating as it was, it had to happen and I'm glad it did. The night ended with my Mom (who hasn't lived with us since April 2008 but still comes around a lot and has not filed for a legal seperation or divorce), picking a fight with my Dad (She said things she KNEW would infuriate him, and she left crying, he went to bed angry, I cleaned up after a huge meal for 8 by myself. But, I fell asleep on our couch, staring out our Christmas tree, appreciating it still, since I went myself Christmas even, drug it home, had Dad help put on lights, and put on the ornaments myself while Dad sat and watched, and put on Christmas music for us. Actually, I liked waiting until Christmas Eve to get my tree. It is a gorgeous tree, it was FREE because by the time we got it, the sellers of the lot had left leaving a bunch of "FREE TREE" signs, I guess they had some Christmas eve thing to do, and I can enjoy it awhile after Christmas....even after today, New Years day.

Prayer Requests...

Readers,
please pray for our family in this next week as we reign in the new year.

Tomorrow (Sunday December 28th), I'm headed to my grandmothers for christmas at her house. My relationship with my Grandpa has bee strained for awhile however, I'm not anticipating much there. My real concern comes with the fact that I will be seeing my sister for only the 3rd time since April, and spending the first amount of significant time with her boyfriend in the year and a half they have known one another. He came into our lives in such an untraditional manner. I've been praying for the opportunity to get to know him, and show him the love and acceptance Christ has shown me. Yet, now it is happening and I don't feel ready to extend grace and forgiveness to him in the manner I know I must, whether he asks for it or not. It boils down to this: My sister has chose this Man to be a part of her life. Of all the things I have disagreed with, and still do, he has cared for her these last several months and has shown a genuine affection for my sweet nephew. I must allow him to be a part of my family in order to truly repair my relationship with my sister. And while I don't want to....at the same time I want to accept this man as a permanent fixture in hers and my nephews lives. Pray for me to be honesty cordial, accepting, and loving, not to just be putting on a show. Pray I do not allow bitterness, anger, and pride crawl up in my heart during what is suppose to be a beautiful celebration of the day the world received such a wonderful gift.

2nd:
December 30th, tuesday morning: My Dad enters for surgery to have a feeding tube placed. This is in anticipation of the nausea and severe pain he will have as a result of chemotherapy and radiation to his throat. Pray the surgery would go smooth and safe, that he would heal quickly, and this measure to prevent dehydration and malnutrition would work. While it is a surgery and I worry, I'm glad they are doing it. 8 years ago when my Uncle was diagnosed with the same cancer, they did not take this step, and the treatment made him so sick, and so sore, he nearly starved to death, and became severely dehydrated. The treatment nearly took his life and he quit treatment early so he could spend his last few months feeling well and enjoying his time with his family. This feeding tube may give my Dad the strength he needs to endure the harsh treatment that will kill off the cancer cells

34d: December 31st: My dad is having a PET scan. THey are scanning from the bridge of his nose, down to his pelvis. This is to check and see if/where the cancer has spread. Right now we know he has a tumor at the base of his tongue, and it has spread/metastisized into his local lymph nodes. Since the cancer is in his lymph nodes it can and possibly has spread throughout his body, since the lymph nodes are an intricate system that spands your entire body. we are praying that the cancer has NOT spread past his throat structures as this would make it so much more serious than it already is.

Hi Friends!
Please let me introduce you to my "Papa O". Papa O. is very dear to my heart. Once the "father of my first boyfriend", I now affectionately call him my very own Papa. As a young teenage girl whose earthly father did not share her faith and could not guide her and love her the way she so desperately needed, Papa adopted me as his very own, even before Andrew and I dated. When Andrew flew to heaven, Papa still considered me his daughter....his only princes among Princes'. Today Papa, and Mama, Ethan, and Dyeda (grandpa) are very special to me. I have a Mom and Dad, a Mama and Papa.

In this year of financial hardship, I can't think of a better Christmas present to Papa, than to promote his website, and tell you about his newest adventure. Papa has began to work with video production, making wedding video, and documentaries. Today, being the procrastinator I came, I finally took time to watch his latest work "Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen". It is a very good documentary that I was pleasantly surpised by. Please take time to check it out, and learn a little bit of History, and American Christmas History. I learned a lot. Click on "Arrest you merry Gentlemen" to get to the website, and scroll about 1/2 way down, you will see the video. Click on the video to watch.

4 all you Mommies

Ok all you Mommies out there....you SERIOUSLY need to list to THIS. It's very funny! Even if your not a Mom, go listen.
Violet

p.s. I've never made a link before with a word but a lovely blogger friend taught me how :) Just click on THIS (above) and it will take you right to the link. YAY.

Winter wonderland....

I LOVE snow! I'm one of those crazy people who prays for it. As much as I would like to spend a few years in some place tropical, I would miss the anticipation of the possibility of snow! Especially so near Christmas. We live in an area that is really "hit or miss". We can not have snow and 10 minutes down the road their is about 1/2 a foot of it, partly because we are only about 50 feet about sea level. We also live in a convergence zone so, there are times we get snow and no one else does. It snowed this past sunday, maybe 3 inches, and for the next 2 days stayed VERY could for us (like 12 degrees). Then, Wednesday we got a good 6 more inches...AND it's still snowing now!!! Here are some picture from Sunday, and I will have more pictures of today up very soon!

Dads cancer update

Today my Dad had his 3rd cancer consult. SO many consults! Today was with the radiology specialist and the oncologist. Tomorrow he has an appointment with the Chemotherapy oncologist/administration type person....

Today he was told this: Without treatment they would give him 2 years at the longest before cancer wins. Their is a 50% chance that treatment will work and send him into remission/give him longer. These statistics are remarkably good considering my Uncle was given 9 months and 10% chance of the treatment being effective.

On December 30th he will have a feeding tube placed. Because the cancer is in his throat, and radiation will be on his neck, he will have not only typical chemo nausea side effects but extreme soreness in his neck/throat, and will likely be unable to eat anything. They need to place the tube before beginning treatment. This means treatment will start sometime after the new year, we will get to spend Christmas with him feeling healthy, for this I am thankful. Radiation will be given Monday through Friday, and Chemo will be given once a week, each lasting 7 weeks. He is expected to be out of work for at least 6 months.

This is a hard time for our family. My Dad has been out of work for almost 2 years already, and the last 10 months hasn't had any sort of income (L & I was discontinued). I have complete faith God will provide but, my Dad is very worried, and worry is not in his best interest.

They waiting is the hardest.... We have to wait for the next appt., wait to see when treatment starts....wait to see how Dad's body reacts....and so on and so forth.

Rainbow

The other day I wanted to get on our roof to take a picture of Mt. Baker and Mt. Ranier. It was a sunny and clear day here in Washington, and I knew I could get a good shot. Oddly, our small sturdy ladder which we normally put on the balcony to climb on the roof, was MIA. I still wanted to get up their and I put our really tall, not as sturdy ladder on the ground and up against the roof (our house is 2 stories). I climbed about 1/2 way up and I couldn't go any further, it was just too scary, the ladder was wobbly, it was so much high going from the ground up, and I was home alone. I kind of knew I'd be fine but, I just couldn't do it. It's easier to be brave with an audience.

The next day dawed bright as well and I just HAD to get a picture. My Dad was home, and I asked if he thought it was safe. He stood on the balcony and talked me through it. My Dad, my strong, sturdy, consistent, stable dad... just his presence was enough to calm me and give me courage. So I climbed, all the way, with my Dads cancer on my mind, and wondering how I would get through moments like these without him... and when I got to the top, their was something much better than a mountain top! My heavenly father sent me a message, one of his promise... On my roof, I could see a rainbow, hidden by trees on the ground... If God decides to take my Dad, which we do not know that he will, but if he does, God will still be my father, and will still have that PERFECTLY stable, strong, sturdy and consistent presence. So, here I snap shots of my rainbow....

Now it was time to come down off the roof, and I was scared again. I took of my shoes and sock, fearing that they might slip, and contiplated jumping on the balcony rather than climb down the ladder. I thought my Dad had gone inside.... I knew their was a promise hanging in the sky but, sometimes Gods choices just DON'T make sense...it doesn't make sense that he allowed to let a judge make the decisions to keep one sibling away from the other 4, when someone was willing to give a home to all 5, it doesn't make sense God allowed a 5 year old girl to be murdered when her adoptive family was just a week away from bringing her home....it doesn't make sense that ANdrew died when he was only 15 years old, or that my sister gets a perfect beautiful baby boy that she makes so many mistakes with, it doesn't make sense that my friends husband was killed during his 3rd tour in Iraq, or that he even had to go on a 3rd tour.... and even though I had this promise that he would take care of me.... I still needed my Daddy, I needed him to "ground me"...and their he came, asking if I was ok, telling me I'd be fine, to climb down. holding the ladder sturdy. Will he be their to give me away at my wedding? Will he hold me shaking arm sturdy as I walk down the aisle? Now I wonder, what was Gods' promise? Was he promising to take care of me? Of my Dad? Of my family? Was he promising to heal my Dad? Was he promising he would protect me? Maybe it wasn't even a promise just for me? I know it was but, what was his promise?

THe promise of the rainbow was that he would never again flood the earth. Was he promising something symbolic of "not flooding" me, or my life with to much tragedy...

I dont know... all I know is his promise was in the sky, reminding me that he is their, and he makes promises.