Did God choose my Moon Sign?

One of my goals this year is to read the bible. Every day. Cover to Cover. Last year my Faith in God was strong. Going through a medical crisis with my Dad left me desperately needing to cling to Christ and the Hope we have in him. However, my efforts to deepen my relationship were lacking, especially when it comes to reading and meditating on his word.

I love love love to read, and not a day goes by that I don't pick up a novel and read at least a few chapters. I read in some odd places. I read in bed, on the couch, while taking a walk, while I roller blade around my neighborhood, while I am in the shower. No joke. I love to read. So, my goal this year is the every day, BEFORE I pick up a novel, or even non fiction book, or school book, I first and foremost pick up my Bible. To help me with this, I have two bible I will be reading from daily. The first is a New International 365 day daily reading bible in Chronological order. In this I will start at the beginning and read straight through the entire bible by the end of the year. However, last year I attempted this, got half way through Numbers, and didn't feel like I was getting what I needed from "The Word". I decide to just pick up my "plain ole bible" and read whatever, which quickly led to NOT reading. This year I will also be using the "ONE YEAR BIBLE" in New International Version. This bible has daily readings that all include a few chapters from the O.T. a few from the N.T., a Psalms and a Proverbs. What I plan on doing is using the Chronological book to read from the O.T. (well eventually also the N.T.), and using the One Year to read the daily assigned N.T., Psalms, and Proverbs scriptures. I think this will help me to tread through some of the harder parts of the O.T., having N.T. scripture to read as well.

I'm unsure of how much I will be documenting HERE on this blog. Perhaps all, and perhaps not. We shall see. There was some from yesterdays reading that I did want to share.

A conversation I had years ago with my Cousins wife has stood out in my mind from time to time. It's one that I honestly don't remember all of the details too but I DO know God was directing my words in the conversation. My cousins wife (S.) is into astronomy and astrology. When I visited her for the first time (I was about 15 and also had a strong Christian faith at the time) she started asking me about myself, then asked my birthday. I told her and she said "ahh... that explains it, your a Cancer, a water sign" and she began telling me characteristics of a "Cancer" or a "Water Sign" it sort of freaked me out, yet I was astounded at how accurate her description were. Her and I didn't get along great then and didn't communicate for some time. Then, when I was about 20 or so, I decided it was really important to me to get to know all of my family better, including my cousins out of state. I began talking to them, visiting them etc. S. is really into researching geneology, something I'm fascinated by. So I began talking to her and gathering any info. I could about our family. One evening we got into a conversation about her astrology and astronomy beliefs. She started telling me that everyone has a sign on based on their birthday but you also have a "Moon Sign" based on where the moon was and the alignment of planets etc. on your exact birthday. She looked up my Moon sign and started telling me "I bet you like this" or "I'm guessing you dont' like this" or "Are you this way"... Things I had often thought about myself but never really shared with one, she was telling me. Things that people who had known me my whole life never really notice about me, like my decorating style (if I had a choice on how to decorate a place) or how I like to sleep, or how I interact with people. My goofy cousin starting teasing us, saying I probably thought S. was a witch and was going to burn in Hell. Not so much. I was nervous about all she was telling me but also kind of fascinated. Because it was all so accurate. She didn't believe in online or newspaper horoscopes, she believed that our time of birth helped shape and create who we are. As she was talking I was praying "God protect my heart and mind from evil and things against you, Show my how to express my beliefs in a Non judgemental way, help me relate to her and Love her as you do, help me see her the way you do, guide my conversations with her" and he did. I suddenly heard God say "You were created for Such a time as this" Just like Esther was told as she went to become the Queen to save her people. At that point I decided to be honest with S. I told her that everything she was saying was very interesting and very true, that is resonated with who I know myself to be. I had her put my on speaker phone so my cousin could here too. I told them both I did not think they were evil based on their beliefs and that while I knew what I believed and I knew it to be TRUTH, I was open to HEARING and UNDERSTANDING what other people believe. Then I went on to tell them that if I believed my God was master and creator of the Universe, and he created the stars, moon, sun, and so on, then he certainly had a plan and design for them on the day of my birth. If he created every moment of my life, knit me together in my mothers womb, it's highly possible that he made a design for all things. I KNOW he chose my family for me, he chose my location of birth, the year and culture I'd be born into, he knew who my sibling and cousins etc. would be, so of course he knew how the stars and moon and sun and planets would be aligned on the day of my birth. And perhaps he had me born at a certain time on a certian day during a certain month and year to help create who I am. To me it was like poetry, like a painting all the elements work together to created a beautiful masterpiece yet each element was chosen and placed by the same creator, or artist. This was all well received by them and they gave me props for not being closed minded and for being open to what my cousinb believed. I gave thanks to God for helping me say what I believed, being honest, and guiding what could have been a disasterous conversation, and for opening a door to a relationship I was afraid would never take place.

Yet, I have sometimes wondered if what I said was true. Does it matter where the stars planets etc. were when I was born? Did God put though into it? I must have read Gen. 1 and 2 hundreds of times. This year one part stood out to me in a new way: And God said let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on earth" (Gen. 1:14-19). Of course I knew this... but it just gave me a validation. God created the stars, the moon, the sun, rotations of each, to mark time. If he created them in such a way the their interactions would mark time, then he marked the time that I'd be born. He knit me together in my Mothers womb, he created me for such a time and place as this, and he knew exactly what "moon sign" I would be born under. Ultimately, he created me and placed me where I am, just as he created the stars and sun and moon and placed them, and designed their rotations.

A new kind of Christmas

Growing up we were spoiled for Christmas. My parents always went over the top, my grandparents spent equally as much, and well, it was kind of amazing. As we have gotten older, I've noticed the focus of Christmas slowly become about $$. Sad but, true. Not all in a bad way though. Mostly, as we children became adults and no longer thought "Santa" brought us our presents, we wanted to be able to give as much as receive and none of us had money to spend on one another.

I have been frustrated for several years because for me Christmas is such a special intimate day for me spiritually. It has always been my wish that we would read the Christmas story together, pray together, and do something to remember Christ on that day. For some reason, even though I do have an aunt, uncle and grandparent who are all Christians, we've never done this. I do this for myself, each year I take time to spend with God and thank him for becoming flesh...

This year, with my Dads cancer battle and resulting medical retirement, both my sister being laid off, my Uncle being out of work for 8 months and me having my hours drastically cut, well, I knew money was an issue. I had this idea that this year we would all buy only for "the babies", meaning my 2 year old nephew and one year old cousin. Thankfully everyone agreed. I like this idea because it gave us the opportunity to spoil them the way we were spoiled, and to bring a bit of the "magic" back into Christmas. We also could spend what we had on the babies, without worrying about buying for everyone, or forgetting someone.

It all turned out REALLY well. No one was left feeling bad or left out. No one felt like maybe they should have spent more, no one fretted. The babies were adorable, the parents were grateful. And, I got to focus even more astutely on Christ without being overwhelmed and distracted by the family drama!

I won't lie though, my Mom decided she wanted to give each of us some cash for Christmas, and she did. And my grandmother also gave each of us some $$ with some other small goodies. All of which I was very grateful for (it's mostly going towards school books!).

I also attended a low key Christmas Eve Svc. with my best friend Alicia and her family. We sang some of my favorite carols, read the Christmas story, and headed home, where the power was out! Alicia and I chatted about her new engagement and accumulating wedding plans...

It was a good Christmas.

Venting

My Dad joined face book. I guess that means I need to be a little more careful about what I say there. Not because I say things particularly BAD but, I know I've occasionally said things he might take the wrong way, assume are about him, or some such. Or, thing that I just really wouldn't want to share with my Dad. I know facebook is a very public venue, and so is a blog. I guess I didn't mind sharing some things on facebook because I have amazing friends who were always so encouraging. Plus, with my parents and siblings not being facebookers and bloggers, it was like my own personal little world, and escape so to speak. I still have my blog.

With that said, I was rather hurt by my Dads actions today. Monday I cleaned the entire house (ok, the main living areas, bathroom, kitchen living room). I did dishes, vacuumed, mopped, swept, DEEP cleaned the bathroom including cleaning the mirror/toilet/scouring the tub, picked up the living room, folded laundry... then I got really busy with school and work, and I HOPED that since I had done SO much house work by myself on Monday Dad or brother would help me out with dishes this week. Well, it's Friday, and the dishes hadn't been done since Monday. DISGUSTING. The sink was starting to smell. So, I did all the dishes, the dish washer was CRAMMED full of dishes, so I washed a bunch by hand. One thing I HATE to do when doing dishes is rinsing the silverware (in my house everything is scrubbed free of food before it goes in the dishwasher, my Dad believes the dishwasher is only meant to sanitize dishes, not really clean them), I asked my Dad if he would please wash the silverware before I started the dishwasher since I had washed so many dishes as well as cleaned up the rest of the kitchen. He didn't say a thing but, he did give me a nasty look. Instead, he closed the dish washer, and went to bed.

I just wish that my work was appreciated and that I could get a LITTLE help every once in a while....

Tobias

My good friend J. had a baby Saturday. Sweet Tobias Samuel. His arrive was much anticipated. I knew I'd love him when she told me she was carrying him, I started FEELING that love when I felt him move while giving her a pregnancy massage and I was head over heals the first time I looked into his precious little face. This is boy # 4 for this family, and they named him Tobias because it means "GOd is Good" (well, and they liked the name) see, they all were hoping and anticipating for a baby girl, especially their only daughter. When they found out it was a boy, and came across the name, they knew that God is good, all the time, and he has big plans for this 4th baby boy. There is a reason he chose this family to raise this special boy.

I've been babysitting for this family for 11 years! Their family had a 3 month old son when they moved in next door. He is 11 years old now, and they now have 5 children. I still babysitt for them and love them all. I had the priveledge of watching the other four children while baby Toby made his Debut! It was a busy, special, fun time!

The boring season

I know the bible says their is a time a season for everything, a time to morn and a time to dance, a time for joy and a time for sorrow, a time to plant and a time for uproot, and all that. I didn't know there was a boring season. That's where I am at. I'm bored. I live at home with my Dad and little brother, I'm going to school online, working only 10 hours a week, and not much more. Some might call it a season of rest. I think it's the winding down of my season as a student. I hope it's the beginning of the permanent ending to my residing in my fathers home. I need it to be the opening season of drawing closer to God and going deeper with my faith. I anticipate the next few years bringing big changes, and exciting seasons, stepping out on my own as an independent young adult, becoming a career woman, falling in love, parenthood.
But, I don't know what to do with myself for the next few months. For 6 more months I must wade through THIS season. I've been in seasons that aren't busy but, I've never been in a season that is relatively safe and free of major stresses. I just don't know how to live like this. When I moved home I thought it would be a bit of an easy season, and then my Dad got sick. Now that he is 6 months into remission and rehabilitating well, I'm able to breathe easier. Family life is still dysfunctional but, we have settled into a new sort of normal for all of us. While I have minimal hours at work which poses some financial worries, it's a relatively easy job for me, which I absolutely love.
I feel a little lonely this holiday season, I must admit. No because I'm single but simply because most of my friends are in such different seasons, and I'm just not very connected with many of them, and I also don't have a car, which makes things hard in the social interaction department.
The odd thing is that in this season I feel very lazy, and unmotivated. I know this COULD be a busy season if I wanted it too be. I could be heavily involved in ministry, in volunteer work, in organizing/cleaning/rearranging our house, losing weight, and much more. Part of me really wants that but, I just can't seem to bring myself to take those first steps. Part of me doesn't want any of that, and feels guilty for wanting to selfishly indulge in laziness. I often feel like in this season I am apathetic about life.
I also feel like I am the only one in this season. I feel like other young women in my life are doing so much more with their lives, and I feel jealous, and guilty, and wonder if I will have make a difference in someone's life. I wonder if I will ever be warrior for Christ. Will I lead someone to a relationship in Christ? Will I comfort a hurting soul? Will I ever love with all my heart? Will I gain self control over my body, with food, actions, exercise?
I think I'm finally starting to realize the problem with all this though... the problem is "I" Will "I" or "I" feel.... maybe this season is MEANT to be. Maybe I can full embrace the finishing of my education, and the sleeping in a twin sized bed, and walking my childhood neighborhood. Maybe I need to rejoice in the extra time I get to spend with my sweet nephew which will be cut dramatically short when I begin a full time job, the extra afternoon naps that won't exist when I'm a mother of small children, and the ability make plans with out checking in with a significant first. But most of all, I DO need to draw into God more. It's so easy to let him just be a statement rather than a Savior, and an active part of life when things are easy and slow. My morals are the same, my claim of Christianity isn't a problem but, actively seeking Him, showing my love for Him, making Him a priority, isn't. Why is it that he is so easily dismissed in the absence of Crisis or greatness in my life? How do I change that? How do I become less talk and more action?

Our little Monkey

I have conflicted feelings about Halloween, so I usually don't do much. This year I managed to come down sick on Halloween, so I was perfectly content to sleep it through. All conflicted thoughts aside though, it was a joy to watch my nephew have fun playing with the goo of pumpkin insides, be fascinated by the carvings lit up with candles, and see him get a kick out of wearing his Monkey costume. The day Z. was born he made the cutest sounds, that were similar to those a baby monkey makes. So, we all call him Monkey. This year he had the cutest monkey costume!

Pumpkin pictures coming soon.

I love my Siblings!

Another young woman whose blog I visit wrote an amazing and beautiful post about her many siblings. I was inspired to write a similar blog about mine.


Jeana Marie - 29 - My Older sister.
I call her my older sister and not my big sister because she is about 3-4 inches shorter than I am (I think she exaggerates on her height!!!). She is so cute and petite (about 115pds, and 5ft even). We look ALMOST nothing alike. Even though it doesn't matter a lick with how I feel about her, she has a different dad. She is still my WHOLE sister. I don't believe in "half" sisters. We are about 2 months shy of 6 years apart. Jeana has red hair, and the most gorgeous hazel/green eyes. She has a lot of freckles, which she hates and I adore. Jeana and I were very close when I was very tiny. Sadly, the relationship has been rocky for a long time. Even though we had a rough childhood relationship, I have always looked up to her and admired her. She works so hard at everything, and most things don't come easy to her. She knows her limits and isn't afraid to admit it when she has reached one. When we were little, I would sneak into her room to admire her scrunchies and look at her button collection. It drove her nuts but, I just wanted to be like her. Even though she chose not to walk with Christ, she is the reason I began to go to church and got really involved. She'd got to a Wednesday night youth group. Since I wanted to be like her, I'd go to Missionettes at the same church. When I went away to college, I felt God prompt me to work on my relationship with her. It was tediously slow, beginning with me calling her on her birthday, or a holiday, and eventually just to say hello and I loved her. Then inviting her to movies... it took 2.5 year before she ever called me back, it was on my birthday. Now, we chit chat, we get along better (not perfect, we ARE sisters)..., we respect each other. I love her.




Shannon Lee - my little sister - barely
Shannon was born just 15 months after me! She was an average sized baby but, is a pint sized adult, and just shy of 100pds, and 4ft. 9 1/2 inches. My grandfather by adoption is 75% Native American. Since we aren't his biological grandkids, he didn't expect us to look Native. But Shannon came out with dark skin, and a FULL head of the silkiest blackest hair that stood straight up, and she was BORN with deep brown eyes. She had full cheeks, and looked all around Native. My great grandma called Shannon her little "papoose" baby. Shannon suffered an extreme case of RSV at 5 months old. While she was in the hospital, my Mom miscarried a little boy, and we came SO close to losing Shannon. We aren't sure if that illness was the cause of it but, Shannon has cerebral palsy. When she was 9 months old, she was diagnosed. We were told she would never walk, talk, or progress mentally past that of a 6 month old baby. Our tiny, shy, quiet baby was a fighter though. She beat all those odds. She started walking at almost 4 yrs., talking at 5 yrs, became a great swimmer, even competed, an avid cartoonist, and just an amazing person. She has overcome so much. She works hard at everything she does. She won't give up, and wants to prove anyone who puts limits on her, WRONG! She is as stubborn as I am. We shared a room for many years, she was always so clean, and a good saver, of money, candy, whatever. I was a bit jealous of that. We were always close. I wanted to protect her and help her in any way I could. For a long time, we both shared a very close relationship with Christ, and she taught me so much about compassion for others. She is an amazing Mom to her blue eyed 2 year old baby boy. When we were little, we'd spread out our barbies in the play room, right next to our wood stove, and play for HOURS. Both of us had to have a Mom, Dad, baby, toddler, horse, cat, dog, and several older kids. We'd put on balls that they would go too, and parties. We made a mess. She was so into her baby dolls that she would pack a diaper back for them, bring them to my Mom, and leave them for Mom to babysit while she was at school. She would count the diapers so she'd know if my Mom changed her babies diapers or not!!! I miss living with her. I miss brushing her hair, and scratching her back. I miss our long talks. Most of all, I miss sharing Christ with her. I'm still fiercely protective of her. I'm so proud of my pint sized sister. Because of Shannon's cerebral palsy, I was exposed to a lot of kids with special needs. Because God gave me her, I didn't grow up fearing persons who were "different". I grew to love them. We were "lucky" that she developed so much, you could say, but even she had never walked or talked, I'd have loved her just the same.




Warren Dean- 20 - baby brother
Warren is 1 month shy of 3 years younger than me. We had the same due date but he was 2 weeks early and I was 2 weeks late. Warren's nick name is Crasher because he was born due to a car accident that threw my Mom into labor. That saved his life because his cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times and was choking him. The doctors said if he hadn't been born early, he'd have died in utero. God knew losing two baby boys would have been too much for my Mom. Warren is SO full of energy, even now. He runs around and can't sit still for anything. He gets a kick out of teasing and aggravating. It can be so annoying but then he gives you this special grin he has, with a twinkle in his eye, and you can't help but get over being cross with him. He is taller than me, and my Dad. He is the epitome of a boy. Even though he can be a turd, he has a sensitive heart. When I was in a car accident, I was upset, I was worried of what my Dad would say, I knew my Dad would be angry. My brother got word from my Mom and came to the site of the accident, He hugged me and whispered in my ear to ignore dad, that if he said anything mean, it wasn't true. That night, he told me to sleep in his tempur-pedic bed so I wouldn't wake up sore. He is silly and funny. He is very good at fixing things and being hands on. He doesn't realize how smart he is and has yet to tap into his potential. Warren is amazing with kids. I don't know a kid that doesn't love him. Even though I'm his big sister, he tells me that I can't get married until I'm 30. He's protective of me. When he was little we called him Warrnen Dean, yes, I added an extra "n" on purpose.





Alicia Nicole - the sister I chose - 23.
I'm adding my best friend because she deserves it. Our Moms were best friends for years. They (unintentionally) got pregnant at the same time. Alicia and I are 15 days apart. We've been best friends since the beginning. Alicia has been there through everything. Our parents would ground us from reading because it was the only thing that worked for us. We would call each other and read books to each other over the phone! When we were about 6, I kicked at a patch of grass for a ball and got covered in stinging nettle. Alicia thought she'd just reach in and get the ball with her hand.... 2 minutes later she followed me into the house in tears too. She has been the constant Christ lover in my life. When Andrew died, she made her mom make the 1 hr. drive at midnight to my house so she could sleep in my bed with me and just hold me. She isn't an animal lover but, she humors me by always petting my dog when she comes over. She always lets me pick movies, even though she knows I will pick a girly romance movie and she isn't a big fan ( I don't always, and often I insist she chooses!). Her house was the first one I stayed over night at. We would play capture the flag, cops and robbers, have tea parties, and play with lincoln logs. I was always jealous that she was home-schooled. Her dedication to her family is amazing. She is so strong and has overcome so much strife in her life. I'm amazed by the person she has become. She has blossomed into such a lovely woman. I'm so blessed to have had her around since I was born. I hope she is always around. I pray that we can raise children together, and that we are friends for 100 years. God knew that both my sisters would have disabilities. He knew that I was going to be both devoted to Him, and that I would be intellectual. He knew I'd need a "sister" I could relate to on so many levels, but especially an academic level. He gave me Alicia. Because I have Alicia, I'm better able to love my sister the way they are.