Auntie's lullaby and a letter to my nephew.

I took the boys to the library today and picked up a C.D. of lullabies. I love lullabies and want to learn more to sing to the kids I nanny and my future kiddos. Even though my voice sucks, they don't mind, and it seems to sooth them when I sing to them if they are sad.

I picked this one because it had some classics and it had one called "Aunties Lullaby". I was curious. When I listened to it I couldn't believe how perfect it was! It's like it was written for my nephew! Here are the lyrics:

I am your mama's sister,
I sound a lot like her
When we were kids people
always thought we looked alike
and you may think so too.
I am your grandma' daughter,
I seem a bit like her.
When I was small we would laugh
and dance and sing a lot just like I do with you.

I will sing a song of long ago
and far away
you can sing along but with
new words just for today.

You are my little nephew
you are a special friend,
I know you've come to teach
us all what love's about
and we will learn from you.
I am your uncles sister,
he was my baby bro.
Don't be confused,
it's only me, your auntie,
and I see all of us in you.

I will sing a song of long ago
and far away
you can sing along but with
new words just for today

I love it. I love to dance and sing with Zackery. When we were little, my sister and I did look a lot a like. My Brother is my baby bro. and Z. has taught us all so much about love!

It made me want to cry though. I miss going to my parents house and being able to sing him to sleep. I miss dancing with him. It doesn't happen nearly often enough with my mom having to sneak him to me for a visit. I miss my sister too. I wish I could just go over to her for a visit or ask her over for dinner. I wish she wasn't so angry, bitter, and full of hate.

The line that says "Don't be confused, it's only me, your Auntie". At the wedding a couple weeks ago, I could tell Z. was really confused. It's like he senses he should know my Dad, brother and me, like he knows he's safe with us, and vaguely remembers we love him, but he doesn't know exactly who we are or why he remembers us. He gets nervous if we go out of sight of my mom with him, especially if their are others around who are strangers. At the wedding I'd go across the room to talk with a group of the guests, he'd get scared and cry until I took him over to where my mom was. He was ok with me though, and 1 or 2 other people. He just go overwhelmed if their were 4 or 5 people he didn't know. He just seemed so confused. I wanted to tell him, "it's ok, its just me, your Auntie! I'm your mommies sister, I love you sooooo much!". The precious boy did fall asleep in my arms thought with me rocking him and singing to him in the hall. My arms ache to hold him, and to hug my sister.

Z. know I always love you and want to be a major part of my life. I pray for you and your Mama all the time. I pray their will be reconciliation in our family! I pray God will protect you from the damage the choices your mama is making. I pray that you will know me. I pray your Mom comes to Jesus again and will forgive us for our mistakes, and ask forgiveness for hers. I love your big beautiful eyes, and your soft skin. I love your buddha belly, and the soft and sweet features you have of your Mommy. I love your long eyelashes, just like mine. I love how big and round your eyes are, a definite Williams trait.
Your always in my heart.

All my love,
Auntie.