FFF # 17: HOPE

Hope: The feeling that what is wanted Can be Had.
Hope: To look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence
Hope: to believe desire or trust
Hope: To place Trust, to Rely

Definitions form Dictionary.com

Hope is something my family knows well, especially those of us who trust in Jesus Christ as our savior and place our hope in Him.

Hope is what my Aunt had at 18 years old when she watched a couple exit the hospital with the daughter she had just given them. She had hope that her little girl would have a better life than she could give her at this time. She had hope that she would see her again. She had hope that one day should get to hold, nurse, and raise a child of her own.

Hope is what my Aunt and Uncle has as they embarked on a new journey together. Hope that this marriage would last. Hope that they would please God in their union. Hope that they would bring each other great Joy.

Hope is what they had when Doctors more or less said my Uncle could not father children.

Hope is what my Aunt had when she held her new little grand nephew Just months after hearing she would likely never have another biological child.

Hope is what my Grandma and I had as we prayed my Uncle would someday get to hold is own baby, that he would get to be the amazing father we knew he already was.

Hope is what my Aunt had as she realized she was late.

Hope is what she had as she peed on a stick.

Hope, Faith, Trust.......

Here is my picture of HOPE: that this little miracle boy will be born healthy (in less than 2 weeks). That he will bring great joy to everyone in my family. That he will bring healing and confirmation that my Aunt did the right thing when she handed her daughter over.

The picture of why Hope is worth it. A picture of Gods PERFECT timing. A picture of His Faithfulness. A picture of his answer to prayers.....

JOSHUA BLAIR WILLIAMS
Due: Sept. 24th, 2008

Look Who's 1!!!!

Sweet smiley boy. In an egg shell at that zoo.

First time being left with the babysitter: Me that is :) 

Getting so big and so strong.

Handsome Gabe, just shy of 1 year old.

Gabriel is my friend Joanna's beautiful baby boy! I love this little guy. Seems like just yesterday  his sister, brothers and I were waiting at the phone to hear that he had arrived. He was the first of the kids I got to visit in the hospital. He reminds me a lot of his sister, he won't go to sleep in his crib when I have him, I have to rock him and sing to him, outside, to get him to fall asleep. It's our special time though, I love cuddling with him. He is a very determined little boy who gets frustrated when he can't  get things to work right. He is fully of smiles and loves animals. He thinks Kalika is just grand. He has the softest baby skin  and he usually smells good. He is an absolute sweet heart!

Happy 1st Birthday Gabriel Thomas!!!!

FFF # 16: returning the favor

Ok, this theme might be a little hard for Sarah to use for everyone but...what the heck. It could be called " That latest addition" which, by the way Sarah, I think would be great because it could be interpreted so many ways: an addition to a house, an addition to a toy collection, an addition to the family..... If you want to know why I titled it as I did....go check out the story at the end. In the short: My mom bought me my Dog so, I bought her this one..... Meet the newest addition to our family: Twylight!

Here is the story behind the title: When I was almost 20 I moved back home from college. I was feeling kind of lonely with my LIFE LONG best friend out of state, and leaving all my friends still back at school. My Mom is bipolar and went through a SERIOUS depression after her hysterectomy, which was at the beginning of my freshman year. She had said she'd take care of the dog I had back then but because of her depression, she flew to Florida to get some sunshine, some vitamin D, and a wake up call from her sweet, amazing, wonderful, loving, favorite Aunt who is also Christian and good at giving you a swift kick in your tush! When she came back she was still depressed and the dog was being neglected by everyone else living in the home. I made the decision to find her a good home. Ironically, I really see how God gave me that dog to train up for the family I gave her too. They had desperatly wanted another Jack Russel. They're elderly dog had just passed. However they did not feel a puppy was a good match because they had a 2 year old daughter who might be a bit rough. They saw my add. They fell in love. Kelsey has an amazing home. She fit right in and is loved to death. One of the families kids name is Kelsey, and the dog Klsey especially bonded to the kid Kelsey. The kid has anxiety and would wake up many times a night. Since Kelsey the kid got Kelsey the dog, she sleeps through the night because apparently Kelsey the dog protects her. Kelsey the dog is even considered an aid dog and goes everywhere with Kelsey they kid.
My Mom felt so bad when she pulled out of her rut that I had to get rid of my Dog. When I moved home from college a friend of mine told me about a litter of cocker spaniels a friend of her had. The mommy dog was hit by a car so they were finding homes now. (they were 5 weeks old). I had wanted a cocker spaniel since ours was stolen out of our back yard when I was 5 years old. My friend and I went and looked a them, I took a pouty face picture of me snuggling with one of the pups, and my mom went later that day and bought her for me.
Now, my Moms buddy, Gizmo, a shih tzu is living without any other dogs for the first time. He is also aging. Gizmo will only be with us for a few more years. My mom has been thinking about getting a puppy for awhile to be a companion for Gizmo, to help with the blow of losing him in a few years, and so it can grow up with my nephew. I found this puppy in our local paper and new she was the perfect fit! Happy late Birthday and Merry Early Christmas Mom! She loves this pup. Gizmo likes her too!

Lydia

I dreamed about her again. My little girl. If their is one thing I am certain of it's that God has promised me this child.

When I was 10 I began dreaming of being a mommy....to a little girl. As I got older these dreams got more frequent and more detailed.

Whenever I dreamed that I had but one child, no matter the age, it was a girl.

Whenever I had mulitple children in a dream, the most vivid images were of a girl, and she was always the oldest.

Whenever I dreamed I was pregnant with my first child....It was a a girl.

It's that same way today.

Normally I can see her figure, I can pick her up and feel her, I can talk to here and hear her voice but, I can never see her face or her features. Once, I did see her face. She had soft brunette curls. Big lock girls like I had as a toddler. And she had giant blue eyes. Just like my nephews. In fact, I was taken a back when his turned from that new baby blue to a bright blue because they looked just like her eyes. She had long, immensely dark eyelashes and she was about 2 years old.

When I was 16 I told my small group leader about these dreams. She said God was giving me visions of this daughter for a reason. I should pray for her and for all my children. When I see a school, pray for her time at school, when I see a playground, pray for her times at play and with her friends....whenever i think of her pray for her.

I did begin praying. I prayed God would make me the kind of mother she needs. I prayed she would love him and know him from the beginnig of her life. I prayed she would be mighty in his kingdom. I prayed I woudl have wisdom raising her and helping her get through trials.

6 weeks later he gave me her name. I was sitting in my Dads red recliner, legs curled up under me, doing homework. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I was in my favorite place, a giant rock on Kayak point over looking the ocean and it was a sun rise (I prefer them to sunsets....that for another day. When I go here, about 2-4 times a year, I sit cross legged and I journal, pray, read my bible. This time it was just me. My hair was down and being blown by the wind. I was wearing a red skirt that was being blown too. I had been talking to Jesus about my daughter. I had been asking him about her (I can't recall the questions or the answers) but suddenly I very vividly heard a whisper "and her name will be Lydia..." at this point I sat up in the chair in my living room. I looked up the name Lydia.

Lydia is the woman at the well. She is the woman who claimed her and her house will serve the Lord. She opened her home to travels. Her entire family became followers of the Messiah. She is the example of a hospitable woman who runs a hospitable home.

Her home is exactly what I had been praying my own home would be since I was 8 years old. She is an example of what I want to be.

And my daughters name will be Lydia.

Leaps and Bounds

I had an opportunity to see my sister the other day and perhaps break down some walls. I was seriously frustrated and disappointed when "my Mom" closed the doors for the opportunity. It seemed perfect. Like if my mom put her foot down my sister would be desperate and I'd be able to come to her rescue. But, my Mom went out of her way to do things exactly the way my sister wants, even when it was incredibly inconveniant for my Mom. I was irritated because my Mom is constantly enabling my sisters behavior and reinforcing that it's not really wrong. In all honestly I ended helping my Mom out so that she could go do exactly what my sister wanted and so, I enabled both my Mom and my Sister.

But in retrospect, it wasn't just my Mom who shut that door. I really believe that God shut it, and hard because yesterday presented a better opportunity and results were better than I could have imagine.

Now i can see how the first situation would not have broken down any walls. In fact it could have made it harder to remain neutral. Not only that but my sister would not have take this situation as me helping her and embracing her with love and acceptance. She would not have been able to see that I am not going to hold a grudge over her by my doing this thing. In her eyes I would have been doing this for myself and for my Mom.

A few days later my Mom called and asked me a question which I knew it was imperative I answered yes. And in that moment I realized how hard it is to be a Christian. I saw how hard it is to be Christ like and to die to self. She asked me if my sister could borrow my lap top. This sister who won't talk to me, wouldn't let me see her son for months, bumped into me at the Doctor and gave me the coldest most hateful look I have ever seen on anyone... and chalked everything I've ever tried to do for up to me wanting to be able to brag about it and show my nephew off. This sister who recently told my Mom we could not have his picture because we just wanted to show him off and use him as a pawn (what, this exactly what she does with him, she tells my Mom if she doesn't do this, or that she can't have my nephew over night....). Yet I've been praying God would change my heart about this. I've been praying that if/when we meet face to face, I'd be able to see my sister as God does, and treat her as if nothing that has happened in the last 1.5 years ever happened. I knew that her borrowing my computer meant keeping it late. I knew she'd be staying with my Mom at work that night (my Mom works four 24 hours shifts for an elderly woman)and wouldn't be done until after the elderly woman and the baby were in bed. I knew it meant I would have to pick it up because after work I needed to finish writing a paper, and I knew I'd see her face to face.

Why is letting my sister borrow my computer such a big deal. Well, the first issue was that of how she has been treating not just me but my entire family aside from my Mom. The anger and hatred she has shown my dad and brother is just unfathomable. The rejection of her friends, and extended family makes no sense. The fact that she thinks she has never done anything "wrong"..... and we have been jack a**es just made me want to say Uh....NO. But then their is the fact that my computer IS MY LIFE (ok, not really Jesus, My family, and My dog are my life....lol) But, all my schooling is online. My computer is imperative for school work and holds saved copies of my old work. If something happened to it, I'd be in big trouble. It's also my biggest investment (at least since my brother totaled my car, lol). It is the reason I have a credit card right now....something I never wanted to have. It also holds all my beloved pictures. I'm not material girl really but, my computer is important to me and at this time in my life very much a needed accessory.

So.... I said yes. I said she could borrow my new Mac Book while I was at work but that I needed it back after. My mom would have to pick it up because I had to go to work earlier than expected. I really felt a peace about letting her use it. I felt it was the right thing to do. But I also felt torn. I want to do the human thing and "pay her back". I didn't really WANT to do the Christian thing. And I spent my working hours wondering if it would break down walls. I felt that she may not see this as helping her either. She was staying with my Mom because my Mom had drive to my sister (an hour away) to drop my nephew off for an appt. and my sister had and appt. in our town the next day. My Mom did not want to have to drive all the way their and back 3 times in two days. SO she wanted my sister to stay the night with her. Then she could cut down on one of those trips. My sister had some work to do for a class she is in at DSHS to help her obtain a job. So, it was either let her borrow my computer and stay with my Mom, or make my mom do a bunch of extra running around. I thought maybe my sister would think I was helping out my Mom and not her.

Things turned out better than I expected. I went to get my computer and my sister was really very nice. She thanked me a lot for letting her use my computer. She asked for help on adding up her hours for the week and she told me about my nephews occupational therapy intake evaluation (more on that later). We chatted a bit, just casual. I told her I was glad I could help her out. Then I shared some pictures I've taken of her son over the last few months. Then...she really surprised me. My Mom knew I wasn't working the next day and she asked if I could take my sister to her Dr. appt. so my Mom could get into the Chiropractor. My sister agreed that she would be willing to let me help my Mom out by taking her to the Dr. so I did and it was great. We just chatted. I carefully avoided topics that would stir up emotions. I asked her about this program she is doing, about how she if feeling, about a job interview. WE talked about the baby and how adorable he is. We talked about my sick grandma. She hasn't seen my grandma in awhile and my Mom doesn't like to go over their so I offered to take her some time.

Walls were certainly broken. They were crushed and pulverized. I'm certain that while we have taken one step forward there are bound to be 2 steps back. This is just how my sister works. The last two days were good days. It takes 10 nice selfless acts to counter act 1 negative word spoken to my sister ( I think this works for most people who are not Christians and who struggle with forgiving and trusting). However, as I type this I am in tears at the perfect way God works. I'm so thankful he showed me this opportunity and that I seized it. I'm grateful I got to spend just a short hour with my sister and just love her. I'm glad she got to see the attachment my nephew and I have.

FFF # 15 OH BABY!!

Here are some special babies in my life! It has been a busy few years between my family and friends having babies! I didn't even include Davis (I can't find his picture).
Here is Zackery (my nephew) just a couple weeks old. The newest pictures are on a disc which I loaned to my Mom.


Little Erin: She is my Cousin Hiedi's daughter. She is almost 2 now!

Here is my Cousin Quin at about 3 weeks old

My GORGEOUS cousin Quin with her fist daughter Jaelynn (who is almost 5). I am also including a picture of Quin as a baby and an ultrasound picture of her 2nd daugther who will be here in November.

And this is the ultra sound of the baby in Quins tummy right now! Ashlynn is due Nov. 4th


My miracle cousin...Coming soon. .....due... SEPT 24TH to my Uncle who is almost 40 (we thought he couldn't have kids!) Up until him, I did not have a younger cousin. They were all older and my brother was the youngest of us all. I'm so excited for this little man!


This is my first picture of my fur baby: Kalika. SHe wasn't even mine yet. I took this picture to beg my mom..... it worked, lol.

This is Levi, part of my favorite family. He is almost 3 now. I can't even believe it

Baby Gabriel: He is Levi's younger brother by 18 months, and the first of the 4 I got to visit in the hospital. He is almost a year and I just adore him.

Miss Brooklynn. Born June of 2008. Although many of my friends have had babies, she is the first baby of the friends I grew up with. I'm very excited to watch this little girl grow up and tell her stories of me, her mommy and her auntie (who is mommy's twin sister). It should be fun!

Reid... born to my friend Annabelle. He just turned two

Sorry it's sideways: My friend's 3rd child Paige: Born February 2008 Isn't she beautiful

Caleb: one of the three I just finished being a live in nanny for. He is also two now

Now some old family photos:

My Mom and her sister. They aren't twins, my Mom was just very small and my Aunt was big. They are 13 months apart.

My older sister Jeana

My Grandmother holding me...I was the chunky one (almost 10 pds.) lol.

This is my sister Shannon as a newborn. See the resemblence of her and my nephew?

My brother warren: we don't have many good newborn pictures of him as he was born 3 weeks early. The camera wasn't with them and he was very sick. My mom was in a car accident that threw her into labor. Which ultimately saved his life as his umbilical chord was rapped around his neck 3 times and their was something wrong with it. The doctors said if he had been born at term, he would have been still born! I think God protected this little boy!
.

Goodbye little R.A.V.

Yesterday had a sad little element to it. I went to church with my best friend, had a good time, and then my friend and I went to her house to get some jogging clothes. We were less than a block away and her sister calls us crying.
They live on 5 acres and have a feral mama cat with her 3 kitties living in the brush on their property. Since their are 9 kids in the family, the parents drive a 15 passenger fan. One of the kitties ran in the street and got hit by it when the dad was pulling out. He did not realize it but, the neighbor saw it. The little kitten either ran or was thrown into the pushes and died. It was so sad!
Being the "calm in crisis" person that I am, I took head of the situation as my friend and her sister were both too sad and too scared to deal with it. So, we got gloves, and old towel, and a shovel, and I picked the small kitty up. I don't think he was actually run over because his little body was intact. In fact his positioning under the bushes tells me he actually did try to run off. I'm pretty sure the impact caused internal bleeding which killed him quickly. He was so floppy and may have had a broken neck and definately had a broken leg. I was nauseated but, I wanted this little guy to be buried respectfully. My friend was a little creaped out because I was "holding it like a baby". I believe all things should be treated with care and respect, dead or alive. I did hold him, wrapped in a towel, up agains my body. And I closed his eyes. He was such a beautiful kitten, my favorite kind actually, an orange and white tabby.
We buried him under a huge tree in the woods he lived, and we stacked logs on top so coyote's and other animals won't dig him up.
Since he was a feral kitten he didn't have a name. We name him Rav, or R.A.V. because those are the initials of us who burried him.

Goood by RAV.