seeking wisdom

The kids had this 24 hour bug last week. I'm not sure if I caught that or something else but, it's lingering with me. Caleb had a runny nose and a cough for about 48 hours. He can't tell us if he had a sore throat but, he probably did. Ben had a serious sore throat on Saturday, he wouldn't even eat ice cream for dinner and had fever. But, he was fine by Sunday. Sunday I came down with a bad headache. Monday my voice was scratchy, and by monday night I was stuffy and head a horrid sinus headache. My voice is worse today, both sinus's are blocked up, and I feel just crummy. I took some benadryl allergy and cold, and that seems to have helped. I still feel a bit dizzy if I bend of and get up to fast though. It sure isn't fun being sick. I probably got so sick because of stress.

My family is going through some tough times. I have said/done things that one minute I feel was the right thing, and the next I feel like it wasn't. I keep praying about it and thinking about it. These scripture verses fly through my mind and I apply them to the situation. While the verses in and of themselves aren't contradictory, when applied to the circumstances in becomes contradictory. Ugh. Too often I want to "get people saved". I really think God is telling me to "take the plank out of my own eye". I know doing that will probably dramatically change my day to day life and approach to various situations. I know I am very opinionated, often judge-mental, and I sin with my words to often, I had a hard time keeping my tongue under control. 

My most current frustration though is, I'm not sure I should apologize about two somethings I did. I did and said somethings, and I really DON'T feel it was the WRONG thing to do/say. If I apologize it will seem like I was wrong. This thing I did/said, I know hurt the other people. I know that IF I apologize they MIGHT be willing to actually talk to me again. And if I don't...who knows? I'm must not sure what's more important, my relationship with these persons, which is constantly complicated and causing me to walk on egg shells, or that I stand by what I believe. I know at least the thing I said was said out of anger and pain, which is never good. So, if I apologize for just that, my reacting out of anger and pain, even if what I said was true and would not have been heard otherwise, is that enough??

Lord, PLEASE give me wisdom. I need it Soooo desperately. And Patience. And strength plus trust to commit these people to you!