not sure what it is...

I have been having a rough week and I'm not really sure why. I guess I'm just not content. I notice that it doesn't take long for me to get restless. When I get an idea in my mind that their needs to be a change in my life, it's hard for me to wait for the appropriate timing of that change. Sometimes when I get that way, I am a little depressed. Their, I said it, depressed. I have a hard time admitting I get depressed. Clinical depression runs in my family and I am determined NOT to allow myself to get that way. I have a Christ who gets me through all things. 

I know that the I am suppose to allow Christ to be enough, I know that he IS sufficient. That doesn't make this season any easier. 

Alex is sick....again. He is throwing up, which mean his blood sugar is dropping and he his having seizures. I think it might be the flu. He has been running a slight fever but shivering like he is freezing cold. He came down with it yesterday and came home sick from school. 

Then I dropped a pot on my right middle toe and I'm pretty sure it's broken. At least if feels that way. I am such the clutz that I keep ramming that toe into things. It's black and blue and swollen. 

Ben threw a fit about dinner, and I couldn't get my homework done. I'm not motivated to do my school work. I bombed a math assignment last week and yesterday found out it was because I was suppose to read 2 chapter not just 1. I was so tired I didn't get caught up and went to bed early. Then I woke up early and with not enough sleep. So today I feel like I am dragging. Alex is still sick. He gags when we give him milk so, we are slowly giving him pedialyte through his G-Tube. 

I just want to crawl in bed and sleep for hours. I have felt like this since about Sunday. I skipped church (I'm sure that didn't help), went to see some friends on Monday. I had planned to play outside with kids in the afternoon but was just to tired....and didn't feel like "playing". 

I am feeling self conscious about everything, my work ethic, my body, my future, my character, my personality, my relationship with Christ.....and chocolate isn't helping. Exercise might help but, then their is the possibly  broken toe. I can't put any weight on it. 

I sound whiny I am sure. I just don't understand why I get this way. People are going through devastating situations, the loss of a loved one, a serious illness, a big move. Not me. Yet, I feel so burdened and heavy. Would that I could give this burden to Jesus. That I would allow myself to take on his yolk, for it is light. I want to bath in his presence desperately. I'm afraid I'd fall asleep. And Ben is finishing up his assignment so I need to help him finish school. Alex is napping, better check on him.

Today I am going to choose to seek his face anyway, and to hold the hope I have in tomorrow being a new day. I am going to remember that today is the day that LORD has made, even if I don't feel it in my heart. And if I cry, I will offer my tears to Jesus, it's all I have to give right now.

Send a prayer up for me please. I need to get through this slump and work diligently on my school work, and maybe actually have fun with the boys today. I'm sure they'd appreciate that.